So last night I got to hang out with my youth group. The boys stayed with my youth pastor in his extra huge country back yard and went camping, while us girls stayed in their extra beautiful house with his wife. Dood, I thought that staying in a house full of girls for such a long period of time would make me homicidal, but I had so much fun! First we ate dinner, of which the lovely Chrystal, Bekah, and Nicole prepared for us ahead of time. It was delicious. And then we chilled out for a little while, until we were so rudely interrupted by the most obnoxious and retarded game EVAR invented. Like, it was really dumb. I have yet to figure out what the purpose of that game is. After we quit that, wayyyy before anyone had even come close to winning, we whipped out the karaoke machine. Ohhhhh yeaaaa. That was some intensely good times. It makes me laugh that rap songs actually end up on karaoke CD's, LOL.
Before everyone crashed out, we had some seriousface time. Chrystal talked about how she wanted us as young women of God to be there for each other, and know that others are going to be there for us. I totally agree with this notion. At school, the females are simply vicious; they're so fake and untrustworthy. And I think a lot of us (because I certainly do) keep that same mentality towards the ladies we're around at church-- but that shouldn't be the case at all! We need each other, and most importantly, others need us. Alisha gave a devotion about persecution. She was so on point.
After seriousface time, the normal non-crazy girl would just go ahead and go to sleep, or have a relaxed conversation with some of the girls that wanted to stay up. But ohh noo, I can't ever just be in my right mind. So what do I do? I get Alisha's phone and call Hector. It was definitely one in the morning, so the plan was for him to be asleep, so I could leave a nice little honest voicemail and be done. He jacked the plan all up by answering the phone. I mean who really picks up a call in the middle of the night from a number they don't know. Anywhoo, he answered (AND HE SOUNDED SO CUTE!) and the plan basically went straight out the door. Like, I wanted to tell him who it was and that I like him so I could hurry up and NOT like him, butttt... my inner six year old kicked in. xD We had to have talked for 40 minutes before everything was cleared up. What had happened was, he felt like I was playing games, so he got mad, right, and started playing games too! "I think it starts with a C. Are you in my 4B?" WOMP. Man, he laughed at me a lot, too. School on Monday shall be quite interesting. Aye, did y'all know he speaks Spanish?! AIGHT, I'm done! I'ma laugh if he sees this, pahahaha.
Lemme just say, that telling everyone-- including him, is not helping a dang thing. And like wtf? Why are my emotions playing games with me like I have time for any of this nonsense. Alisha makes so much fun of my reoccurring word vomit, it's terrible. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE DONE WITH BOYS!? D: And YEA, I'ma keep whining because nothing else is working. xO Bless my heart, yo. At least high school is almost over! :D
Me and Chrystal Cole had a really good conversation last night. I love her, and I'm sooo looking forward to the future of F51. Me and Eric are gonna be BFF's one day, too. I think I'm gonna go on a fast. Not from food, because that would be too easy. Probably from Twitter, because unless God sustains me, I will certainly die within 24 hours.
This sleepover was such a blessing. I've never had a revelation by vessel of a human, but I feel like it happened last night. I got to spend time with Ti'Anna and Nissi and Casey, and Heather, and really get to know them. Ti'Anna and Nissa are so sweet. And someone tell me where Casey and Heather have been all my life? Crunkest white girls evaaaar. You know what's great about this? I get to see everyone again tomorrow. Life is good. God is great.
I'd hate to kill the mood, but can someone please tell me how life is supposed to go on without Josh Kilpatrick? The last time I'll see him is tomorrow, because I won't be at church for the next week. I can't believe they're moving to Missouri. This doesn't even make any sense. Maybe if I delete my Twitter forever and ever, he'll stay. ): What's gonna happen to the band, and who's gonna sing lead. Bro, I can barely get it together enough to sing harmony. OH LORD JESUS. *seriously contemplates deleting my twitter*
Church in the morning! I'm going to see the fricken JB movie tomorrow, after lunch with some of my favorite people. I think I'm going on a college visit on Monday? Wednesday we fly out for state competition. How exciting, right? I'm still enjoying "not having a cell phone." Ahh, God is good.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
#sundayyy
FINALLY, I got to go to church and see my people this morning!
Dood, a pipe busted in the old building of our church (where all the cool kid stuff goes down) and thankfully it didn't effect kids church, but our side of the building is just awful. Apparently before they started cleaning, the floors were submerged in two inches of water! Hopefully none of the sound stuff under the stage was effected. This is so terrible, and I trust God to provide everything we need to get things rolling again, but I will positively die if F51 gets canceled on Wednesday... again.
Since there was no bible study (D:), I went to first service. It was about all of our callings as fishers of men-- and how the best way to preach the gospel and get men to God is by living in His image. We have to live with Christ, for Christ, and in Christ. He talked about how we don't want to draw people to our faith, and then push them away because we aren't anything like a reflection of what we believe. He mentioned the fact that there was still a hell, and it's still just as hot. I love Pastor Wooten. At the end of service, he had everyone in youth go stand next to a grandparent and pray for them; he had us thank them for leaving a legacy of faith that has influenced us. I stood next to a beautiful African-American women who's legacy was apparent. She was a she was the mother of a mother who has daughters in kids church, and a son who grew up in youth. It is nice to pray for people, perhaps more lovely than to be prayed for.
Drama team is about to get more legit than it already was becoming. There's a new couple who want to be youth leaders (Rachel and Matthew), and they are so sweet! They are also very passionate about drama ministry and are going to oversee that. I'm looking forward to great things!
So I also went to second service, even though it was the same sermon, because I cannot accept the concept of leaving church before 11. It just doesn't work that way. I totally sat by my favorite person ever :P. And so when pastor called us to go pray again, I went to go pray for Mrs. Cindy (Jacob and Stud Muffin's mom/grandma). I got super emotional when I started lifting her up to God, because I am so thankful that she has taken responsibility as a parent. I know it must get rough around there sometimes, but they need her. And I love them to pieces, so I love her-- also to pieces. <3
Yesterday before bed, I was talking to my Jesus, and it seems like theres this really awful plague going around my youth group. There are huge blotches of defeat and confusion; you can even see it on some of their faces. I just pray the spirit of revelation over all of them. I feel like if everyone had a better understanding of who He is, they'd have a better understanding of who they ought to be. Then they could pin point the exact cause of that brokenness, and get it out. None of that stuff comes from God, anyway, and I flat out don't like it.
I didn't see Kylie today. Sadface. Bree totally, clearly, wanted me to fight her. She looked at my shoes and gave me a face... UNACCEPTABLE! Ha, I love her. I didn't get the pleasure of harassing Jared about drinking coffee today, but I'll get him next time! Jacob called me a "little church girl" because I have a bible in my purse at all times. He also made fun of me for being on Macadec, even though Academic Decathlon is definitely the most gangster thing since the possession of illegal weapons. After service, Stud Muffin gave me the warmest, most random hug, evar. Like... it made me smile. Chrystal Cole is so beautiful. Conner and Hannah weren't there, and I need them to stop that, because I miss them! Everyone had on their Eddie James shirts that they got at Winterfest. I love it! Holly's outfit was super cute today. She WILL give me those shoes. I never get to talk to Karla or Jamee anymore, because they're always up in the sound booth. Sooo, can you guys tell how much I love these people, or what?
Superbowl today, huh? I suppose I'll watch :P Finally we get to go to school tomorrow. I thought this day would never come! My phone's still off, and I'm still enjoying it. I love God. Bai :D
Dood, a pipe busted in the old building of our church (where all the cool kid stuff goes down) and thankfully it didn't effect kids church, but our side of the building is just awful. Apparently before they started cleaning, the floors were submerged in two inches of water! Hopefully none of the sound stuff under the stage was effected. This is so terrible, and I trust God to provide everything we need to get things rolling again, but I will positively die if F51 gets canceled on Wednesday... again.
Since there was no bible study (D:), I went to first service. It was about all of our callings as fishers of men-- and how the best way to preach the gospel and get men to God is by living in His image. We have to live with Christ, for Christ, and in Christ. He talked about how we don't want to draw people to our faith, and then push them away because we aren't anything like a reflection of what we believe. He mentioned the fact that there was still a hell, and it's still just as hot. I love Pastor Wooten. At the end of service, he had everyone in youth go stand next to a grandparent and pray for them; he had us thank them for leaving a legacy of faith that has influenced us. I stood next to a beautiful African-American women who's legacy was apparent. She was a she was the mother of a mother who has daughters in kids church, and a son who grew up in youth. It is nice to pray for people, perhaps more lovely than to be prayed for.
Drama team is about to get more legit than it already was becoming. There's a new couple who want to be youth leaders (Rachel and Matthew), and they are so sweet! They are also very passionate about drama ministry and are going to oversee that. I'm looking forward to great things!
So I also went to second service, even though it was the same sermon, because I cannot accept the concept of leaving church before 11. It just doesn't work that way. I totally sat by my favorite person ever :P. And so when pastor called us to go pray again, I went to go pray for Mrs. Cindy (Jacob and Stud Muffin's mom/grandma). I got super emotional when I started lifting her up to God, because I am so thankful that she has taken responsibility as a parent. I know it must get rough around there sometimes, but they need her. And I love them to pieces, so I love her-- also to pieces. <3
Yesterday before bed, I was talking to my Jesus, and it seems like theres this really awful plague going around my youth group. There are huge blotches of defeat and confusion; you can even see it on some of their faces. I just pray the spirit of revelation over all of them. I feel like if everyone had a better understanding of who He is, they'd have a better understanding of who they ought to be. Then they could pin point the exact cause of that brokenness, and get it out. None of that stuff comes from God, anyway, and I flat out don't like it.
I didn't see Kylie today. Sadface. Bree totally, clearly, wanted me to fight her. She looked at my shoes and gave me a face... UNACCEPTABLE! Ha, I love her. I didn't get the pleasure of harassing Jared about drinking coffee today, but I'll get him next time! Jacob called me a "little church girl" because I have a bible in my purse at all times. He also made fun of me for being on Macadec, even though Academic Decathlon is definitely the most gangster thing since the possession of illegal weapons. After service, Stud Muffin gave me the warmest, most random hug, evar. Like... it made me smile. Chrystal Cole is so beautiful. Conner and Hannah weren't there, and I need them to stop that, because I miss them! Everyone had on their Eddie James shirts that they got at Winterfest. I love it! Holly's outfit was super cute today. She WILL give me those shoes. I never get to talk to Karla or Jamee anymore, because they're always up in the sound booth. Sooo, can you guys tell how much I love these people, or what?
Superbowl today, huh? I suppose I'll watch :P Finally we get to go to school tomorrow. I thought this day would never come! My phone's still off, and I'm still enjoying it. I love God. Bai :D
Saturday, February 5, 2011
#rightontime
I just want you guys to know that I've come down with the fever, the Bieberfever, and that there is no cure in sight. HE IS SO CUTE. I saw him three times yesterday: The Seven, 106 and Park, and The Late Show. Did you know he has 7 million followers on twitter?! That, my friends, is what you call swag. Do you have swag? Maybe. Is your swag like JB's? Not even. I'm completely aware of how ridiculous all of this is, but what can I say; I'm just a firm belieber xD
Bro, my birthday is in one week. Thats right, yo; I will be 18 years old on February 12th. I remember back in the day when I used to have these epic hotel parties where we chilled out around the hotel, swam, whatever. The guys went home, but the girls spent the night. It was always mostly just my tight knit group of GT dorks, and we had so much fun. This will be the third year that I haven't had a celebration, and you know what, it's okay. My priorities are so different. I don't even want to necessarily go out and do anything.
You know what I do want? xD I MEAN YOU KNOW, cuz it's going to be my birthday... I want a Panda Pillow Pet, A. W. Tozer books, a best buy gift card (because JB's remix CD comes out on valentines day), those big bracelets from Hot Topic that say "I <3 JUSTIN", and a (estimated) 2x3 sized piece of wood. More than all that stuff, I'd really just enjoy heartfelt cards and birthday wishes, lol.
Yesterday I found myself so wrapped up in the glory of the Lord that at one point I was mindlessly bouncing around my house in praise. When I think about His goodness, and what He's done for me... oh Lord! Where would I have been these past six weeks had it not been for His never failing love? And tell me, who else is gonna walk with me, strengthen me, and lead me through such an extended period of misery? I thought letting go would hurt, and so I held on, but boy was I wrong-- and I praise God for that! Too early? Nah man, right on time (as He always is!)Psalms are really good, guys. Their main objective is to glorify God in all His glorious ways, and it is simply beautiful.
We all know a person who works in cycles. They always seem to have it all together. I know someone who works in cycles, but I only know that because I was a part of it. And I know that the people before me were a part of it. The people after me will be a part of it, unless something changes. That cycle isn't nearly as hurtful to us, as it is to that person. Because while we may have been systematically pushed around at one point, we're free now; they're still trapped. They must be so empty, and perhaps they aren't even aware. And all the scars we acquire from falling in sequence, don't keep us from caring. But common sense keeps us at a distance. So we'll watch them go around and around until something changes. Prayer changes-- and thats really all we can do. I am praying for you.
I love Kylie Troi for being there for me. I love Jennifer Avanna for knowing I'm gonna be there for her. I love Magen Nicole for keeping me in check. I love Jesus Christ for being my everything.
Bro, my birthday is in one week. Thats right, yo; I will be 18 years old on February 12th. I remember back in the day when I used to have these epic hotel parties where we chilled out around the hotel, swam, whatever. The guys went home, but the girls spent the night. It was always mostly just my tight knit group of GT dorks, and we had so much fun. This will be the third year that I haven't had a celebration, and you know what, it's okay. My priorities are so different. I don't even want to necessarily go out and do anything.
You know what I do want? xD I MEAN YOU KNOW, cuz it's going to be my birthday... I want a Panda Pillow Pet, A. W. Tozer books, a best buy gift card (because JB's remix CD comes out on valentines day), those big bracelets from Hot Topic that say "I <3 JUSTIN", and a (estimated) 2x3 sized piece of wood. More than all that stuff, I'd really just enjoy heartfelt cards and birthday wishes, lol.
Yesterday I found myself so wrapped up in the glory of the Lord that at one point I was mindlessly bouncing around my house in praise. When I think about His goodness, and what He's done for me... oh Lord! Where would I have been these past six weeks had it not been for His never failing love? And tell me, who else is gonna walk with me, strengthen me, and lead me through such an extended period of misery? I thought letting go would hurt, and so I held on, but boy was I wrong-- and I praise God for that! Too early? Nah man, right on time (as He always is!)Psalms are really good, guys. Their main objective is to glorify God in all His glorious ways, and it is simply beautiful.
We all know a person who works in cycles. They always seem to have it all together. I know someone who works in cycles, but I only know that because I was a part of it. And I know that the people before me were a part of it. The people after me will be a part of it, unless something changes. That cycle isn't nearly as hurtful to us, as it is to that person. Because while we may have been systematically pushed around at one point, we're free now; they're still trapped. They must be so empty, and perhaps they aren't even aware. And all the scars we acquire from falling in sequence, don't keep us from caring. But common sense keeps us at a distance. So we'll watch them go around and around until something changes. Prayer changes-- and thats really all we can do. I am praying for you.
I love Kylie Troi for being there for me. I love Jennifer Avanna for knowing I'm gonna be there for her. I love Magen Nicole for keeping me in check. I love Jesus Christ for being my everything.
Friday, February 4, 2011
#tooearly
It is wayyy too early; and I wish I was just talkin' hours and minutes.
My tummy is like a big honesty muscle. The second I start telling the truth, or even thinking the truth, it puts me in so much discomfort. Wanna know why? Cuz I never use it, ha. It's too early to try to change that now. Maybe I shoulda started with the smaller stuff. But since I'm already in pain, lets do it.
I'm okay (I really am), but every now and then, I'm not. In the middle of the night I hear your words that I made up. False hope (Satan's most detestable tool) creeps into my conscience and sometimes it doesn't come out. It's like my bloody honest flesh fighting against the misconceptions of my spirit. And I wanna flood you with my hurt so that your real words will scare away the hope, but my pride will allow no such thing. "I'm not coming back, be real with yourself." I need to hear those things from you, but I will never allow myself to be put in that situation. Because I'm holding on to the little piece of pride I have left, and because I've already been embarrassed enough.
You knew what you were doing when you started talking to me about another girl. That's something else I needed to hear, but you are automatically in the wrong because I didn't mean to put myself in that situation. And "whatever", too... You know, I think it's time I rewrite my song. As if you care to remember any of the old one anyway. But this time I'll be bulletproof.
If only I could stop talking about you. What everyone else has to say is so much more awful than what I come up with on my own. And confusing, because I'd like to think I know your intentions more than they. But what in the world would make me think a silly thing like that?
Those super cliche sayings never mean anything until suddenly, they do. Its true guys, time does heal all wounds. It's a little early to have declared that, but I know it is. Kanye said "people in your life are seasons, and everything that happens is for a reason." All I can say is there must be some grand reasoning for all of these happenings! The part about people being in your life for seasons is a little less easier to grasp. How do I know when its the right time to let you out? Why haven't I already? I'm learning that people really only do what's good for themselves. No one stays in a friendship that turns into a hardship, and that friendship was only developed in the first place because at one point, it was what was best for each of the participants. I think maybe it's time for me to do something thats good for me.
Wednesday night, I felt like God was saying to me. "Stop crying, because it's time to go to sleep." Right now I feel like He's saying, "Go, because it's time to move on." Go where? I'm not sure yet, but it's not a physical place. I've moved on from the break-up. Now it's time to move on from an impossible friendship. It hurts the same, guys. Don't you see how blurred these lines are?
I think I'll go sit in the snow, and try to take this anklet off. Stud Muffin says this is all my fault for dating younger, anyway. LOL.
My tummy is like a big honesty muscle. The second I start telling the truth, or even thinking the truth, it puts me in so much discomfort. Wanna know why? Cuz I never use it, ha. It's too early to try to change that now. Maybe I shoulda started with the smaller stuff. But since I'm already in pain, lets do it.
I'm okay (I really am), but every now and then, I'm not. In the middle of the night I hear your words that I made up. False hope (Satan's most detestable tool) creeps into my conscience and sometimes it doesn't come out. It's like my bloody honest flesh fighting against the misconceptions of my spirit. And I wanna flood you with my hurt so that your real words will scare away the hope, but my pride will allow no such thing. "I'm not coming back, be real with yourself." I need to hear those things from you, but I will never allow myself to be put in that situation. Because I'm holding on to the little piece of pride I have left, and because I've already been embarrassed enough.
You knew what you were doing when you started talking to me about another girl. That's something else I needed to hear, but you are automatically in the wrong because I didn't mean to put myself in that situation. And "whatever", too... You know, I think it's time I rewrite my song. As if you care to remember any of the old one anyway. But this time I'll be bulletproof.
If only I could stop talking about you. What everyone else has to say is so much more awful than what I come up with on my own. And confusing, because I'd like to think I know your intentions more than they. But what in the world would make me think a silly thing like that?
Those super cliche sayings never mean anything until suddenly, they do. Its true guys, time does heal all wounds. It's a little early to have declared that, but I know it is. Kanye said "people in your life are seasons, and everything that happens is for a reason." All I can say is there must be some grand reasoning for all of these happenings! The part about people being in your life for seasons is a little less easier to grasp. How do I know when its the right time to let you out? Why haven't I already? I'm learning that people really only do what's good for themselves. No one stays in a friendship that turns into a hardship, and that friendship was only developed in the first place because at one point, it was what was best for each of the participants. I think maybe it's time for me to do something thats good for me.
Wednesday night, I felt like God was saying to me. "Stop crying, because it's time to go to sleep." Right now I feel like He's saying, "Go, because it's time to move on." Go where? I'm not sure yet, but it's not a physical place. I've moved on from the break-up. Now it's time to move on from an impossible friendship. It hurts the same, guys. Don't you see how blurred these lines are?
I think I'll go sit in the snow, and try to take this anklet off. Stud Muffin says this is all my fault for dating younger, anyway. LOL.
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