The Ramp

On Sunday night I got back from a trip to "The Ramp" in Alabama with my youth group. I'm not sure what happened to me spiritually during those two and a half days, but something definitely happened. The sermons weren't quite what I needed to hear and I didn't get baptized, but I worshiped like I hadn't in a long time. By the time we'd got back, I felt really close to the youth who went, and especially to the Shaw family. Jeff, Denise, Amber, and Jairus are truly God-sent. They've seen the fire and they know how to help us bring it.

I didn't have a clear spiritual break through. I didn't get baptized in the Holy Spirit and start speaking in tongues. I think I'm still in the same place I was before I left; I'm ready to see Grace Pointe Church explode all over the metroplex in the name of Jesus. And even more, I'm ready to see myself explode all over anything I can. I know God didn't put me there for no reason, so maybe I wasn't there for myself. Maybe I was there for other people. And actually, I'm honored.

Me and Kylie were together on the car ride there and in we stayed in the same room. We built such a new and strong friendship, right when she needed it. I don't know how to explain this next part, but me and Alisha made up. On the last night there was a hug, tears, and apologies. Praise God. She is turning into such a wonderful person.

So now I'm back home and its like theres a constant wonder/worry about whats going to happen next. Are we going to be able to keep the drive for the fire? How are we going to keep that drive? I have absolute trust in God, and if theres anyone I believe in, its the people in F51. Maybe I'm wondering how I'm going to keep the drive... I don't know! I'm still trying to take in everything that happened over those two and a half days...

Something happened, thats fersure. Because the devil is attacking at all angles. I'm feeling slothful because I was so spiritually worn out, and I don't wanna pray or read my bible: but I'm doing it anyways. Satan is on his game trying to set our youth group against each other. Me and Magen got into it for the first time yesterday and that has never, ever, happened before. I recognized it right away but... goodness.

Last night I got thrown away like trash by someone I cared about. I didn't do anything, but I guess a girl he's been with for two months has more weight than me, even when I didn't do anything wrong. I was mad, and I cussed, and I cried. And then when I woke up this morning I decided I wouldn't ever let Satan break me down like that again, especially not behind a person.

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." -Matthew 7:13-14

The silly neighbors put a password on their internet. How rude.

Apparently last week around this time I accidentally went psycho over you know who. He likes a girl; DUH right? But before that had been brought to my attention, I was all excited about a whole bunch of bull. I was planning when to tell him how I feel and pretending that if he found out nothing would change. I super don't know what my problem was, but I probably needed that big huge slap in the face by reality. I havent seen him in three weeks, and counting. It looks like I'll be counting for another week, though. I'm sure I'll be super nervous and naucious when I do get to see him. KILL ME NOW, YO!

This summer I've grown closer to the people in my youth group. Its all good except that it seems the closer I get to F51, the more distant I get from everyone else. I'm more likely to go out of the way to help someone in my youth group than to help my other "friends" [with the exception of a few people]. Thats not fair for other people, but I also find it difficult to care. :P I feel like our ministry is about to BLOW UP, and I dont want anyone to be left out because of internal struggles, and definitely not because of external struggles.

God has done great things in my life and in lives of those near and dear to me; and it don't stop. I've seen God move in some ways I never thought I'd see.

I love Jesus Christ so much, and I pray he use me in any and every way: consume me from the inside out. Amen.

Tonight I'm heading out to Alabama with a few of my favorite people in the world to witness God's presence at The Ramp. I know in my heart that God has something in store for me because Satan is all over me and my attitude [for that is the easiest way for him to attack me]. But Satan can SIT DOWN, cuz nothing is keeping me from my blessings. I have some stuff I need to recieve and let go of. And in the name of Jesus, its happening in Alabama!

I love Matthew Paul Argenbright. I love Jennifer Avanna West. I love Lewis "Lew Lew" Glin.

I HATE YOU.

I love Matthew :]

YOU HAVE PUT MY HEART IN A HORRIBLE PLACE.

Matthew is trying to fix it. (:

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

Matthew tried to tell me better...

I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

Me and Matthew will always be best friends. :D

WHY DID I EVER WANT YOU IN MY LIFE?

Thank God for BFF Matthew!

My heart is hurting...

Incase there was any confusion.

That is all.

My Pride and Joy

There’s only one place in this whole world that I'd wanna stay at forever. It's small and sometimes the temperature gets up to 1000 degrees, but I love it with my whole heart. I feel Gods presence every time I walk in, and I feel so much love coming from every direction: from heaven above and from each person I encounter. It is the highlight of my life, and really don't know where I'd be without it. Some of the people there have definitely made me a better person, and I thank you all so much.

Chrystal is the warmest and most inviting person I've known. She's so sweet, and shes an actual person too, but you can only tell it on the rarest occasions. I love her.
Eric is a hardcore dork. He's pretty ADD too-- which makes for an interesting youth pastor. Actually, it's makes for a wonderful youth pastor, and we are truly blessed to have him. I love him.
Taylor has been a strong influence in my life for a long time, but she's the reason I ever encountered this place! I won't ever be able to thank her enough. I love her.
Kylie has such a fun spirit! That girl is so beautiful and I know she's gonna be there for me no matter what. She speaks her mind and she speaks of GOD. I love her.
Adam kind of has that glow that lets you know he's a strong young man of God. Whenever he speaks to us from God, you can't help but give him your full attention because you know it's going to be powerful. I love him.
Matthew is my BFF. He know's all my "secrets" because he's so compassionate and trustworthy. He truly seeks God with all his heart, and I'm glad to have finally got to know him. I love him.
Magen is my wife and my absolute idol. She's so beautiful, she loves God and continuously seeks Him, and she never stops getting better. She knows what shes doing in this world; I can proudly say I wanna be like her when I grow up. I love her.
Lane is a stud muffin. There's no denying it. He's one of those sweetie pies who likes to dress up as a mean mean man, and does it well :P. I love him.
Chris F. likes to be difficult, and he knows he does. But everyone loves him just the same, and even though I'd given up on him at one point, I believe he can change this world... when he decides to. I love him.
Josh changed my life with one simple sentence the very first time I'd met him. "God has a plan for your life." I bet he doesn't know that hearing that broke me completely down and available for Jesus to build back up. There’s no way for me to ever repay him. I love him.
Madison is like my long lost little white sister. We laugh at a lot of stuff we probably shouldn't be laughing at, but I wont tell anyone xD. I love her.
Jacob is too shy for his own good. I've missed out on a lot of laughs because of that. When he hits adulthood, there’s not gonna be any stopping that kid. I love him.
Sarah E. took a little while to open up to me, and I was just the same, but I'm glad we've come around. She's a diva and I love it! I love her.
Elizabeth is the sweetest high schooler there ever was. I can sense a bit of a prayer warrior in her, and I hope she knows how beautiful she is, and won't ever let anyone tell her different. I love her.
KK has a special place in my heart. I wish she'd come around more because I adore her. I love her.
Holly showed me so much love when I was just a newcomer. She's always open to visitors. She swears she's half black or something, but she needs to SHUT UP. I love her.
Alisha and I aren't talking anymore for valid reasons, but I'm glad she's a part of what we have. She told me that we've changed her life and I hope she doesn't let anything take her from us, from God. I love her.
Shelby is teaching me patience... 'nuff said. Praise God. I love him.
Karla has a lot of grown up advice that I find myself needing more and more everyday. God is moving in her life; and we can all see it. I love her.
Jamee is my favorite grown up, hands down. I know I can always come to her with my trials and tribulation and she'll answer with hugs and love. I hope she never leaves me. I love her.
Forest used to irritate me to no end. But now I appreciate him for all the reasons that used to irritate me and I’m excited to see him change and grow in the name of Jesus. I love him.
Denise didn't settle too well with me in the beginning, but that woman is a blessing. God placed her with us for a purpose, and I'm so glad He did. I love her.
Keith is my very favorite. I absolutely love him.

The unmentioned were not forgotten, because I love them all too.

Freestyle51: It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Galatians 5:1

Matters of the Heart

I've been singing this song like your life depended on it.

"When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love. When the evening shatters and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong. I've known it form the moment that we met; no doubt in my mind where you belong. I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue: know theres nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love. The storms are raging on the rolling sea, and on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free. You ain't seen nothing like me yet. I could make you happy, make your dreams come true; nothing that I wouldn't do... go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love." -Adele

Remember in the beginning when I simply wanted you out of my system? It's amazing how things have progressed since then, even though I'm the only one that's changed. It's going to be difficult to put this into words.

Last night I went to sleep thinking of you, and when I woke up you were the first person on my mind. And although I haven't seen you in too long, it hasn't effected how much I think of you; it's always been this way. I miss you terribly. I miss seeing your smile. I miss hugging you and trying to resist the urge of staying there forever and melting in your arms. I miss that dazed feeling I get when we let go. I miss gazing into your eyes. I miss the moment I realize you noticed the expression on my face. I miss having to look away before my feelings slip out of my mouth.

I could talk about you all day, since I can't talk to you all day. And I love your company. I just want you around me: in the middle of the day when I'm running errands, and in the middle of the night when my heart screams I love you. My whole demeanor changes when you're with me. I wish we were closer. I wish I could protect you from every evil thing in this world: the fake friends, the heart-breaks, the upsets, the sadness, the hurt, the pain, the loss. I wish you'd let me be your everything: your best friend, your confidant, your lover, your pride, your joy.

The feelings I have for you are so unconditional, and so selfless... it's crazy. Is it okay to say I'm in love with you, because that's how you make me feel. Unless it's not okay, then just forget about it...