#onethingremains

It seems I've gotten myself into one of those situations. You know? Where everything gets all messed up, and instead making things better, the only thing you can do is get used to them being all messed up.

I'd like to think that I've forgiven in the full, but there's not really a way to know. I trust that God is dealing with me exactly how I need to be dealt with, but what if I'm keeping myself from letting go? What if one day I get the opportunity to get revenge, and I take it? That scares me. May God never test me in that way.

I hate when people have one thing to say behind your back, and something completely different to say to your face. Those kind of people need to be removed from my presence. I hate when people you've known since third grade suddenly act like you've been life long enemies. Those kind of people need to be reality checked, hard. It has not yet been revealed to me how to treat and check these two individuals with love; therefore I will not seek to carry out this task. They ought not try me though, because my patience is worn thin.

I've been reading this book called "Crazy Love". It's really good but it's making me question my faith. Not the kind of "is God even real" questioning, but the "am I real with God" questioning. It gives me quite the heartburn. If you could go to heaven (with all it's promises) except that Jesus wouldn't be there, would you still want to go? Intense, right. Stephanie made a good point though. Heaven without Jesus isn't heaven.

I talked to a few of my loves yesterday, and gawd everyones so broken down. I wish there were something I could directly do to help. I wish they were all as close to God as I am. Because I'm learning that when God comes first no matter what, everything else just seems to fall into place.

Praise the high name of Jesus that today is Friday.

This weekend should be at least semi-eventful. I wanna go shopping with Ashley, but she's playing games and not making confirmations. I really need a new purse. This huge thing I've been lugging around is on my last nerve, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need some FREAKIN' clothes too, but I'll try to put that off as long as I can.

I'm really excited fer church on Sunday. I wish church was everyday. I've been praying a lot, for the masses.

"Higher than the mountains that I face. Stronger than the power of the grave. Constant through the trail and the change; one thing remains. Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me." Through all the sticky situations and uncertainty, He stays the same. I wish I could explain the depth of what God means to me. I guess I'm ready to stop talking about it, and start living it.

Leggo. :D