#hellofear

Kirk Franklin has a new CD, right? The chorus of the first song says:
Never again will I love you. My heart, it refuses to be your home. No longer your prisoner. Today I remember: apart from you is where I belong. Never again will I trust you. I'm tired of fighting, it's been way too long. No longer your prisoner. Today I remember: who I was then now is gone.

You know who he's talkin' to? Fear. I've lived in so much fear in the past. Fear of getting hurt, fear of not being good enough, fear of what other people will say. But no more. If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Goodbye fear, hello grace.

Just when you think you're on top of things, God reveals a little bit more of His light. And then for a quick second, you're blind and just freakin' out. I don't know how to describe the light this time, but it makes me hurt for other people when I ought to be sleep and enjoying the rarely acquired peace I've managed to create for myself. To be honest, I'm probably still freaking out. All of this depression, oppression, hopelessness, emptiness, I've been seeing makes me angry. If only they knew how much Jesus loved them, and that there is healing, and that there is forgiveness.

As of late, I've been taking God so seriously. This isn't a game of who can walk the line between life and death and still see His face. This isn't a competition of who can do the least in order to inherit the most. This is it. This is all that matters. This is God and all His glory. What's even left after that? So I've really been questioning my future. Deep down inside I want God to call me into full time ministry just when I'm about to start the plans I've made for myself. But that's... well, crazy. What's even crazier is that other people tell me it's not quite as crazy as I'd like it to be.

Prom is next weekend. I'm really not as enthusiastic about this as I thought I would be. I haven't gotten my dress yet, so maybe that's the difference. I don't think so, though. My priorities have changed drastically.

AP tests are over; shout to the Lord!

I ordered Radical, Knowledge of the Holy, and Forgotten God earlier this week, and they should be here TOMORROW. They better be, because I've waited long enough. Ahhh! :D Suddenly, I can't get enough of reading. And suddenly, I can't get enough of Him, either.

I can't wait for bible study on Sunday. We're gonna start in on Revelations, and I don't have any clue, but I'm lookin' to find one! I love Chrystal Cole.

Today I got a Hawk Nelson CD, the second Francesca Battistelli CD, and the JB DVD.

Ugh, I'll be out all day looking for a stupid prom dress.

This is getting repetitive, but I can't say it enough: God is so good.