#deuces

Living has been exceedingly far, to say the least.

There comes a time in life when you realize that all the bull is for the birds. And then there's another more epic time when you realize that most of these characters floating around here aren't anything but vultures. Shortly thereafter, there is a most liberating time when you throw your deuces up, move on to something better, stop tryna make it work, and say bye-bye. And it's like, you know they're gonna be mad, but so what? Wish them best of luck, but now it's time to throw them deuces up.

Oh, Chris Brown, why are you so real?

Yesterday a grown person that I trust very much supported my reconstruction project. Who wants to really guard their heart more than they can give it away? Not me. Do you know how much love I have inside my cute little self? I wish I could just love freely, without caution, and there be no consequence. But that's not how this works. And I'm out of excuses. Cuz when you tell the truth, I guess there aren't any left to make, lol. Sigh, so back to hiding it is... Err, assuming I can remember the place where no one ever found me.

I hate when small children are hurting about and affected by things that are far beyond their control. xl

Jesus Christ of Nazarene, Son of Man, Lamb of God, Savior who died and rose again on the thrid day: where You at, Bro? Like I'm not mad at Him by any means. I'm learning to accept the fact that life sucks and then you die and there's not too much you can do to make it stop if God lets such dysfunction slip through His hands and all over your life. I worship at church full-heartedly for the God I've known Him to be in these past two years. I try to sing His praises..? I try to read His word..? I try to talk to Him..? I just haven't seen His face in a good minute, and I probably miss it more than I can even explain.

SO MUCH STUFF IS NEITHER RIGHT, NOR PROPER IN THIS TRIFLING WORLD! xO

Someone with less power should have more of my trust. That sounds really intelligent. Dang, that sounds so intelligent. So shout out to Miles Brown for being that guy (: Half the time he doesn't even know what I'm talking (screaming) about, but he always listens. He's still short though :P Thank you.

But omgsh, on Tuesday, Candace and Jehwet spent the night. xD I love them, and we always have such a good time together. I mean, how we decided to create that good time is a different story, bahahaha. Between the score-heavy TV commentary, the prank calls (yea we're 18, get at us), and the singing like the professional triplet we are (-does the dougie-), I don't know where I'm gonna find friends like them at. ): I'm tripping though, cuz I know they're not going anywhere. Thinking about them makes me way less bothered about other less stable interpersonal situations. <3

I miss Kimbra :l I also miss Chrystal and Eric, because not seeing them twice a week doesn't even sound right. My mood is elevated because I made a child smile, who I know had to be just about ready to throw up. Yayy me. I'm my favorite person today, ionoevencurr.

I kinda hope God grants me rest today. Like... all day. I just wanna sleep, man! And it's not like I don't deserve it, given the new AWESOME sleeping pattern I've developed. Like, I don't even wanna deal with stuff today.

Blah.