Sunday, September 5, 2010

It Never Stops

I'm officially over and done with school. I mean not ferreal, but in my head? Ohhhyeaaa. Getting there at seven for bandbull is, FAR. Acadec homework every night is repetitious. The people aren't that bad, but I'm still convinced my spirit would be better off elsewhere.

Hey, did I tell you guys my mom went to jail on Sunday night? Yuuup, its been a long week. My dad bailed her out the next day, but... I'm still not sure how I feel about that. He's too sweet. The funny part is: this all could have been avoided had she not been, well, my mother. Bless her heart. I died and barely came back to life that night too, figuratively speaking of course. Realistically probably would have been less painful. For the first time, I wanted to hurt you. But I never want you to hurt on my account. That's confusing. What about us isn't? Don't you read this and feel bad all over again.

I miss our Monday night prayer meetings, terribly. Shut up, I know, God is everywhere I want him to be. But the amazing support I get from being there, isn't. At least not in the way I need it to be. But I don't run anything, so it's whatever. Monday was the start of a beautiful thing; no more Calculus. Statistics is amazing. We haven't gotten into any of the math, woot.

Tuesdays were made to be fillers between Mondays and Wednesdays. If I phail ten tests [I only have seven classes a day], tumble down the stairs, and get stabbed in the neck, Wednesday will forever be a glorious day. You already know why. It completely rained Thursday morning, so we weren't subjected to early morning sweat and discomfort. God is so good to me. Thursday night, I won the homework battle. You outsiders probably think that means I did all of my work with time to spare, but really, I didn't do any of it and he couldn't make me. I love you, though ;]

We lost the football game on Friday. YEA, we drove to Plano to get womped on, when I could have been in my bed. You already know how that makes me feel. Satan got all up IN my head on bus ride back, and trying to drown it out with my bad singing and music I didn't wanna hear was a phail. To sum it up: I will continuously beat myself up trying to be perfect for you. You don't know what I'm talking about because you can't see and/or choose to disregard my infinite flaws. I don't want there to be anything to see or disregard. It's hard to explain. What about us isn't?

Saturday morning, I woke up and got my hurr did. It was a much needed appointment, if I do say so myself. And then that night I went to Midi-evil Times with Ms. Alisha Chante for her birthday. That was actually a lot of fun! Perhaps thats why I woke up in such a pleasant mood. Church this morning was... empty, but the message was superior. Kudos to Pastor Wooten. <3 Today I discovered that secular music doesn't control my emotions as much as I thought it does. Listening to music "I shouldn't be" doesn't evoke any feelings besides the joy of "hey lets dance!" I don't know; I still need to make some decisions about that.

Today I also discovered that I am one bitter something. Super, not sexy, right? I KNOW. I almost cut down the person who builds me up so much of the time, because I'm bitter. I thought I was done with that, except for the more-than-occasional violent thought I think towards her. Wake up bae, we need to talk about this...

Hey Matthew, if you're reading this: Magen keeps bothering me, saying I like you. Please make her stop, she annoys me. Pahaha.

I love Emily Edwards. <--unofficial white sister, fersure <3

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