This morning Megha gave me a survey about religion, and asked me to do it for her, cuz she knows how I roll. Needless to say, I went ham on it.
Name: Crystal Gomes
Age and Grade: 17 and senior
Religion: Christian - Penecostal
Ethnicity: African-American
Views on God: He is the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. He is above all things, through all things, and in Him all things consist. He is the Lord our healy, our provider, our victory, and our peace. He is good, all the time. Gosh, I love God!
Family influence on views of God: My mommy is a Christian, but she never made me go to church. Once upon a time, when I elementary school, I said I didnt want to go, and never really started again until sophomore year on my own accord. Now she is very gald for my faith, and supportive.
View on religion in general: Religion is a practice. God doesnt want your realtionship with him to be a forced habit. There is no "right" way to pray to God, worship Him, or spend time with Him.
Do you attend a place of worship regularly? With our without family? Yes. Grace Point Church of God. My mommy attends a difference church-- Calvary. I dont like the atmostphere there, so I choose not to go with her.
How do you think religion influences your daily life? (I crossed out religion, and put faith, lol) My faith in Jesus influences my life in such a positive way. I'm not trapped in sin from my past, because they've all be forgiven. I dont have to worry about things I can't control, because I know He is already taking car of it. He inspires me to be a better person (like Him).
What do you think influences your views on religion most? I believe what I believe because I know how I felt the night I gave my life to Christ. Up until then, I'd been so broken down, but the instant I cried out to God at that altar, I felt the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. There came a point where I couldnt cry anymore, and suddenly I felt like I had a purpose. My spirit was so light and free... I've never been the same. Praise God.
Ayeee, its Friday, and I'm off school next week! I needa start making plans, cuz I am NOT about to be in my house all week. I definitely need to make sure I see Karen and Jennifer. I'd like to chill with Taylor, too, but she's mean to me and never wants to play with me anymore. ): Actually, maybe I should stay in the house and do college stuff... but that gives me heartburn, so its not important.
Call Fox 4, Kylie is coming back to F51. I've missed her sooo much. Call CNN, I'm staying in praise band. Lord be with me xO
Last night my heart attacked me with a whole bunch of crap I thought I'd gotten past. I don't wanna talk about it, but I guess I need to. Arghhh :/ It gives me heartburn, but I cant exactly say its not important.
"Things are looking up, oh finally." - Hayley Williams. #truestory
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
:D
This past weekend was simply amazing.
On Friday, I went out to eat with Emily Marie and her beautiful mother at Empress of China. Her mommy paid for me, ayee. So like, we wanted to go see Saw 3D, but the movie theatre people were being extra anal and wouldn't believe me when I said I'm 17because I don't have a license. #getouttaherebro So we walked around Irving Mall (bleh) to kill sometime and attempt to enjoy our first real Friday night of freedom from the wrath of Mr. Duff. The last two games were on Thursdays, but I didn't go to school either of the following Fridays, soooo... :P
On Saturday, I went with Alisha and Elizabeth to Denise and Jeff's house. Denise took us out to eat at Olive Garden, and then we went to Sam's and Walmart, trying to avoid having to move stuff for Amber and Jairus. Anddd, once we got there, we barely helped; we decided laying in Angel's bed and blasting Jesus music would be more effective. Their new house is definitely in the middle of nowhere. The street it's on, isn't even registered on the GPS. It's super cute though, and perfect for them... even though Walmart is like 17 miles away? (Yeaaaa, that's pretty ridiculous if you ask me. My heart will probably tell you something different though, arghh.) It was really nice to see the Shaw's again. Alisha was all cracked out and with her smokers cough the whole time. Rolling on the floor and stealing ALL the candy; she's too much.
They brought us to church on Sunday morning, and SORRY, but I super did not wanna be there. I was on my phone during bible study for the first time in history. Yea, it was that serious. Service was directed toward the men, so I was really SOL then. And then I had band practice... ugh. We learned "Our God" by Chris Tomlin, and I love that song. I really just cannot understand why I don't enjoy being in praise band. I love Jesus, and I love singing, so I CAN'T SEE THE PROBLEM. My angryface comes on everytime I step on that stage. I never worship up there. Yea, I'll just keep complaining until the circumstances change on their own, ha.
I'm a bad kidd, and I definitely skipped choir practice to spend time with my boo. It's kay, guys! I'll be there next week. Anywho, thaaaaat was funtimes, although I'm not sure how I stayed awake. Mamabear and William took us out to eat at Mexican Inn. Brisket tacos = delicious. Then we went to Ca- Ca-... something. It's a nature store. Really big and really freaking cute. They have a bunch of dead, stuffed animals floating around everywhere: mostly deer but they definitely had an elephant, a tiger, a cougar, and a monkey. I saw some dreamcather earrings... they were hawt. I got "bit" by an evil rabbit (really, Matthew was playing games with a puppet and pinched me). Then we went to Bass Pro Shop and had some sweet nuts xD. We ended up stopping at the sexy shopping center in Las Colinas, and me and my Matthew sat on the benches outside while everyone else shopped around. There's more to it... but you guys wouldn't understand. <3
On a less joyful note: on Tuesday, something bad happened. I exploded on God. It was really just the build up of undealt-with disappointment and confusion over the past two months; the fight had worn me down and out. I scared my love half to death. I'm back to normal now though, I guess. Its more like a standstill, and instead of pushing to move forward, I'm trying to keep from falling backwards. I haven't been reading my bible, but I'm not gonna force it right now. I don't know what else to say, and I don't know what will make this better. I bought a journal in an effort to keep this from happening again, but I can't find the drive to pick up the pen and write. I'm in need of some intense divine intervention.
Today I get to go see Miss Michelle, and then I have to be at the IISD building for some reception crap for this National Acheivement nonsense. I really wish these people would leave me alone. I'm not gonna finalize xD.
Lead Me - Sanctus Real. There's something about that song. "Lead me with strong hands. Stand up when I can't. Dont leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams-- but what about us? Show me you're willing to fight: that I'm still the love of your life..."
Who needs a pony? I have everything I'll ever need and want. It's a month on Wednesday. One down, infinity to go? <3
On Friday, I went out to eat with Emily Marie and her beautiful mother at Empress of China. Her mommy paid for me, ayee. So like, we wanted to go see Saw 3D, but the movie theatre people were being extra anal and wouldn't believe me when I said I'm 17because I don't have a license. #getouttaherebro So we walked around Irving Mall (bleh) to kill sometime and attempt to enjoy our first real Friday night of freedom from the wrath of Mr. Duff. The last two games were on Thursdays, but I didn't go to school either of the following Fridays, soooo... :P
On Saturday, I went with Alisha and Elizabeth to Denise and Jeff's house. Denise took us out to eat at Olive Garden, and then we went to Sam's and Walmart, trying to avoid having to move stuff for Amber and Jairus. Anddd, once we got there, we barely helped; we decided laying in Angel's bed and blasting Jesus music would be more effective. Their new house is definitely in the middle of nowhere. The street it's on, isn't even registered on the GPS. It's super cute though, and perfect for them... even though Walmart is like 17 miles away? (Yeaaaa, that's pretty ridiculous if you ask me. My heart will probably tell you something different though, arghh.) It was really nice to see the Shaw's again. Alisha was all cracked out and with her smokers cough the whole time. Rolling on the floor and stealing ALL the candy; she's too much.
They brought us to church on Sunday morning, and SORRY, but I super did not wanna be there. I was on my phone during bible study for the first time in history. Yea, it was that serious. Service was directed toward the men, so I was really SOL then. And then I had band practice... ugh. We learned "Our God" by Chris Tomlin, and I love that song. I really just cannot understand why I don't enjoy being in praise band. I love Jesus, and I love singing, so I CAN'T SEE THE PROBLEM. My angryface comes on everytime I step on that stage. I never worship up there. Yea, I'll just keep complaining until the circumstances change on their own, ha.
I'm a bad kidd, and I definitely skipped choir practice to spend time with my boo. It's kay, guys! I'll be there next week. Anywho, thaaaaat was funtimes, although I'm not sure how I stayed awake. Mamabear and William took us out to eat at Mexican Inn. Brisket tacos = delicious. Then we went to Ca- Ca-... something. It's a nature store. Really big and really freaking cute. They have a bunch of dead, stuffed animals floating around everywhere: mostly deer but they definitely had an elephant, a tiger, a cougar, and a monkey. I saw some dreamcather earrings... they were hawt. I got "bit" by an evil rabbit (really, Matthew was playing games with a puppet and pinched me). Then we went to Bass Pro Shop and had some sweet nuts xD. We ended up stopping at the sexy shopping center in Las Colinas, and me and my Matthew sat on the benches outside while everyone else shopped around. There's more to it... but you guys wouldn't understand. <3
On a less joyful note: on Tuesday, something bad happened. I exploded on God. It was really just the build up of undealt-with disappointment and confusion over the past two months; the fight had worn me down and out. I scared my love half to death. I'm back to normal now though, I guess. Its more like a standstill, and instead of pushing to move forward, I'm trying to keep from falling backwards. I haven't been reading my bible, but I'm not gonna force it right now. I don't know what else to say, and I don't know what will make this better. I bought a journal in an effort to keep this from happening again, but I can't find the drive to pick up the pen and write. I'm in need of some intense divine intervention.
Today I get to go see Miss Michelle, and then I have to be at the IISD building for some reception crap for this National Acheivement nonsense. I really wish these people would leave me alone. I'm not gonna finalize xD.
Lead Me - Sanctus Real. There's something about that song. "Lead me with strong hands. Stand up when I can't. Dont leave me hungry for love, chasing dreams-- but what about us? Show me you're willing to fight: that I'm still the love of your life..."
Who needs a pony? I have everything I'll ever need and want. It's a month on Wednesday. One down, infinity to go? <3
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Once Upon A Time
Acadec Speech:
I can remember a time in my life when the future was uncertain, and happiness was only something that happened to other people. I didn't know where I was going to be ten years from now; I didn't know who or what I wanted to be, and sometimes I thought it made more sense to not be at all. Such a broken state of mind effected every aspect of my life. Socially, I was distant from my peers, and high school experiences became less and less of a priority. I was past the point of smiling for everyone else, when no one cared to cry for me. Academically, I put forth minimal effort, and the little work I did do was an ill-constructed pacifier for my parents. I disregarded any reasoning behind the tedious studying and infinitely numerous assignments. Emotionally, I was numb. Continuously feeling unloved, and unsuccessful, and like I would never have a place in this world had stopped hurting. I knew the meaning of “rock-bottom”, and as far as I was concerned, there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew there was a God, and although I'd given up on Him, the hope that He would somehow make my life into something beautiful never left the back of my mind. Midway through my sophomore year, I heard news that one of my favorite bands was going to be performing at Winterfest, a three day christian conference, and that I could go with my friend and her youth group. I thought it would serve as a mini-vacation from everything I hated, and decided I should go, even if only for the music. The band performed on a Friday, the first day, and I thought that's where my enthusiastic participation would end, but God had something different in store for me.
The next night's sermon captivated my attention and spoke directly to my heart. I was horribly dismantled and nothing I'd tried in the past could keep me together, but the pastor offered me a new hope; he offered me the never-failing love of God. There was an altar call and every emotion I'd locked away for the past two years came rushing back to me all within thirty seconds. My heart started to beat slow and heavy, and I found myself making my way to the front of the stage. I closed my eyes, and let it all out: the anger, the hurt, the disappointment. The tears swelled from the bottom of my stomach, and although I couldn't say anything, I knew He'd understood. By the time I'd finished crying, I could feel the arms of God holding me, letting me know He is already taking care of it, and that He has a plan.
The Lord works in the most mysterious ways. I wasn't looking for Him, but He certainly found me. I came home that next day and my peers hadn't changed, and my grades hadn't changed, and I still had more than enough reasons to be upset and sink back into that same state of mind; but something in me was different. I felt loved, and that I could be someone, and that God had a specific purpose for my life. In other words, I have never been the same.
That was almost two years ago. The first year of my walk with God was like a breathe of fresh air. I began regularly attending Freestyle51, the name of my friend's youth group. I got baptized the summer following my encounter with God, and after that, there seemed to be no stopping me. My grades picked up during junior year (as much as my less than developed work ethic would allow), and such a peace had overcome my spirit. Me and my mothers relationship was at a stand-still, but the void I needed her to fill, was overflown by God's grace. Serving Him was easy because the newness of what He did for me replayed in my heart every morning.
Now, things aren't so easy, and I'm down on my faith a lot. Living in His image gets harder everyday, because everyone around me is so against what I stand for. It seems like the closer I try to get to Him, the more far away He feels. Things happen that I don't understand. I'm finding myself slip back into my old habits, and old voids are reappearing. I don't know what will become of God and I, but I guess... “He makes all things work together for our good.”
---------------------------------------
You guys don't even wanna know how I really feel about the situation. We'll talk about that later.
I can remember a time in my life when the future was uncertain, and happiness was only something that happened to other people. I didn't know where I was going to be ten years from now; I didn't know who or what I wanted to be, and sometimes I thought it made more sense to not be at all. Such a broken state of mind effected every aspect of my life. Socially, I was distant from my peers, and high school experiences became less and less of a priority. I was past the point of smiling for everyone else, when no one cared to cry for me. Academically, I put forth minimal effort, and the little work I did do was an ill-constructed pacifier for my parents. I disregarded any reasoning behind the tedious studying and infinitely numerous assignments. Emotionally, I was numb. Continuously feeling unloved, and unsuccessful, and like I would never have a place in this world had stopped hurting. I knew the meaning of “rock-bottom”, and as far as I was concerned, there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew there was a God, and although I'd given up on Him, the hope that He would somehow make my life into something beautiful never left the back of my mind. Midway through my sophomore year, I heard news that one of my favorite bands was going to be performing at Winterfest, a three day christian conference, and that I could go with my friend and her youth group. I thought it would serve as a mini-vacation from everything I hated, and decided I should go, even if only for the music. The band performed on a Friday, the first day, and I thought that's where my enthusiastic participation would end, but God had something different in store for me.
The next night's sermon captivated my attention and spoke directly to my heart. I was horribly dismantled and nothing I'd tried in the past could keep me together, but the pastor offered me a new hope; he offered me the never-failing love of God. There was an altar call and every emotion I'd locked away for the past two years came rushing back to me all within thirty seconds. My heart started to beat slow and heavy, and I found myself making my way to the front of the stage. I closed my eyes, and let it all out: the anger, the hurt, the disappointment. The tears swelled from the bottom of my stomach, and although I couldn't say anything, I knew He'd understood. By the time I'd finished crying, I could feel the arms of God holding me, letting me know He is already taking care of it, and that He has a plan.
The Lord works in the most mysterious ways. I wasn't looking for Him, but He certainly found me. I came home that next day and my peers hadn't changed, and my grades hadn't changed, and I still had more than enough reasons to be upset and sink back into that same state of mind; but something in me was different. I felt loved, and that I could be someone, and that God had a specific purpose for my life. In other words, I have never been the same.
That was almost two years ago. The first year of my walk with God was like a breathe of fresh air. I began regularly attending Freestyle51, the name of my friend's youth group. I got baptized the summer following my encounter with God, and after that, there seemed to be no stopping me. My grades picked up during junior year (as much as my less than developed work ethic would allow), and such a peace had overcome my spirit. Me and my mothers relationship was at a stand-still, but the void I needed her to fill, was overflown by God's grace. Serving Him was easy because the newness of what He did for me replayed in my heart every morning.
Now, things aren't so easy, and I'm down on my faith a lot. Living in His image gets harder everyday, because everyone around me is so against what I stand for. It seems like the closer I try to get to Him, the more far away He feels. Things happen that I don't understand. I'm finding myself slip back into my old habits, and old voids are reappearing. I don't know what will become of God and I, but I guess... “He makes all things work together for our good.”
---------------------------------------
You guys don't even wanna know how I really feel about the situation. We'll talk about that later.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
#loveandlife
Marching season is over, and I'm finding I still hate band. This isn't gonna be good. I havent had a reed in like a week, and I don't even care. Top band tryouts are starting today, and I haven't looked at the music since summer. As a matter of fact, yesterday morning I skipped band to go fill out my senior crap order form, and take my senior photo. It's not weighing on my conscience at all. Not being in top band most likely means being in band with Doc: that's reaaaally not gonna be good. Sophomore year, I was almost forced to hang him. This year will be different though, because idgaf, and I do what I want. I will charge him up, no questions asked. I ordered my letterman jacket this morning, WOOP WOOP! :D
Saturday was... too wonderful for real life. I spent the whole day with my love, and his beautiful family. It was like I'd been taken from earth and very kindly placed on cloud nine. I'm trying to find the words to describe what happened. I'm not sure why I havent given up trying to share the wonders of this love with other people; there's only one person who understands my heart, and he knows what happened. I guess its too good to not want to share, but too deep for anyone else to comprehend. I'm not sure I comprehend yet, either though.
On Sunday, there was a guest speaker at church. During the first service she preached about the Holy Spirit, and how He interceeds for us every morning before we're even out of bed. That was comforting. And then she pulled the normal pentecostal bull and did an altar call for people who haven't been baptized by the Holy Ghost; and I haven't, but I've also stopped worrying about it. I didnt want to go up there at all, but I started to cry uncontrollably, and went to the alatar anyway. When I got there, I didnt know what to say to Him, so I just let my tears say it all. And then Dr. Sikes got to me and made a comment about how she knew I hadn't been sleeping well, and told me that Satan had spirits of depression and opression working together to bring me down... and the tears stopped coming from my eyes, and started pouring from the bottom of my stomach. It was almost to the point where I couldn't even stand. She prayed for me, and when I left the altar I felt so light and free. I'd call it a miracle, after what my spirit has been though these past few weeks.
The second service was all smiles. She preached about how to stay calm during a storm. It was everything I needed to hear before all this nonsense started disturbing my spirit. I will always remember "peace, be still." And Satan better remember it too. Thanks to Dr. Sikes, I've started a project in my room; I'm covering the walls with scripture. It's cute, and a mighty strong weapon, if I do say so myself :]
Today is Wednesday. Gotta be the happiest day of the week. I'm excited for the bon fire on Saturday, and whatever else may come up. My outfit is cute today. I hope Mrs. Martinez doesnt charge me up for not having my speech ready. She can suck it.
"...more than talk and thought." I hope you know those words will never leave my conscience. Mhmm, feel bad about yourself :P
Saturday was... too wonderful for real life. I spent the whole day with my love, and his beautiful family. It was like I'd been taken from earth and very kindly placed on cloud nine. I'm trying to find the words to describe what happened. I'm not sure why I havent given up trying to share the wonders of this love with other people; there's only one person who understands my heart, and he knows what happened. I guess its too good to not want to share, but too deep for anyone else to comprehend. I'm not sure I comprehend yet, either though.
On Sunday, there was a guest speaker at church. During the first service she preached about the Holy Spirit, and how He interceeds for us every morning before we're even out of bed. That was comforting. And then she pulled the normal pentecostal bull and did an altar call for people who haven't been baptized by the Holy Ghost; and I haven't, but I've also stopped worrying about it. I didnt want to go up there at all, but I started to cry uncontrollably, and went to the alatar anyway. When I got there, I didnt know what to say to Him, so I just let my tears say it all. And then Dr. Sikes got to me and made a comment about how she knew I hadn't been sleeping well, and told me that Satan had spirits of depression and opression working together to bring me down... and the tears stopped coming from my eyes, and started pouring from the bottom of my stomach. It was almost to the point where I couldn't even stand. She prayed for me, and when I left the altar I felt so light and free. I'd call it a miracle, after what my spirit has been though these past few weeks.
The second service was all smiles. She preached about how to stay calm during a storm. It was everything I needed to hear before all this nonsense started disturbing my spirit. I will always remember "peace, be still." And Satan better remember it too. Thanks to Dr. Sikes, I've started a project in my room; I'm covering the walls with scripture. It's cute, and a mighty strong weapon, if I do say so myself :]
Today is Wednesday. Gotta be the happiest day of the week. I'm excited for the bon fire on Saturday, and whatever else may come up. My outfit is cute today. I hope Mrs. Martinez doesnt charge me up for not having my speech ready. She can suck it.
"...more than talk and thought." I hope you know those words will never leave my conscience. Mhmm, feel bad about yourself :P
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