#collegeswag

The past two weeks counting down to college have been rough. Like, I can remember myself at orientation being so excited for my college swag to be on full attack. I wanted to meet new people and I wanted to get a fresh start academically. I wanted to get out of my house, that was fersure. But as move in day got closer, my enthusiasm turned almost into dread. I can't even completely say what made me that way. I knew I was bummed about my financial situation, but the Lord always makes a way. His will, His bill, right? And I know this. Having to grow up always SUCKS, but should be an adventure, not a chore. I didn't stay for the freshman welcome activities, and I cried my face off (and reaaally wanted to break stuff) yesterday when I had to move in for good.

But you know what? I was being so far. I don't really care about meeting people like I probably should, but today was the best day ever!

I woke up this morning and got ready for Chapel. Alicia was being ridiculous and making me help her move stuff in the room. I started my day with an extra big smile after hearing from my favorite person in the world. I love when that happens. Chapel was hittin'. They did Our God and Forever Reign during worship! They also did an old hymn but it was really beautiful. The speaker was different, but he brought some good word about what "storms" in our lives we need to look to Jesus for. I only had one class (computer science) today, but it was with Karla! Haha, that professor is so precious. He's a little Asian man, with the sweetest demeanor, and the cutest accent. Anddd he spent half of class giving us his testimony. Loved it.

I was done for the day at 12. Alicia was trapped till two, so we decided we'd go eat lunch when she got out of class. So we go down there, right, and the saddest thing evar happens. We tug on the door only to find that the cafeteria had JUST closed. So we came back to the room with very sad faces and really hungry tummies. After fixing the TV all by myself, (-pops collar-) I tried to put it on food network, and Alicia goes, "WE ARE NOT FINNA BE WATCHING NO FOOD NETWORK WHEN WE HAVEN'T EVEN ATE." I so had a giggle fest. What was I thinking? xD

Count on us to make up for our hunger some way, though. They had a back to school thing in the quad and the ONLY reason me and Alicia came out of the air conditioning was because they were giving away free Chick Fil A sandwiches and tea. LOL. But so we just came back from dinner and OMGSH, delicious. I ate everything. They had everything. Pork chops, whaaaat? And omgsh. They are so fancy... as they should be with all this money I'm paying. But I'm so full, I don't even know how I'm not sleep.

This dorm is awful, but so wonderful :D Like it has two extra tiny beds, two pretty large desks, a dresser, a sink, and a very spacious closet. These beds are super high. Watching Alicia's short self jump up there is PURE comedy. We have a tv and an iHome, and the fridge is on the way. The bathroom is right across our room though, so thaaaat's good. I super love my roommate and we're gonna have the best time evar this year.

A few emotional side notes: My head is really screwy. It's rebelling hardcore and I don't even know what to do anymore. The more good I try to pour into it, the more bad that comes out of it. My heart is really screwy too, and I'd honestly rather have it ripped out. I hate those awkward moments where you try to give away what is near and dear to you, that it might not be taken again. Not this time. But I'm not quite to the point of "leave, before you get left behind", so maybe there's hope? *cues Danity Kane* "MY HEART IS DAMAGED, DAMAGED, I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD LET YOU KNOWWWW" xO

I'll prolly cue some Mayday instead though, realtalk.

So like I haven't talked to my mom today, and I'm prolly not gonna, but I'd really enjoy the start of a healthy relationship with her. I don't wanna just be done, I want things to be better. But how long have I wanted that? Right.

I'ma be in class like all day tomorrow. And I have to get up early. But it's gonna be fun. I love college. I love Jesus, too. Sometimes I feel like that gets lost in all the other things I'm loving. That's not gonna be good. I'ma stop talking now. Dear baby Jesus.