#ouchie

(Lol, hi, good morning! I totally wrote this last night, but the internet was acting dumb, so... yea!)

Everyone give it up for the one and only Satan! Stealing the show every time! Alright, I'm being super sarcastic, but I must give credit where credit is due. And boy is it due.

Bro I am in so much pain. Let's break this down. MY BODY HURTS. Never again will I for an extended period of time proceed to front like I am 'bout that life and have any type of muscle mass. NEVER AGAIN. Next time I'm sure I'll just cut to the chase (; This is going on day two, by the way. If there's a day three... D:

My spirit hurts too. Ouchie. It probably has been for a while, but this is just the icing on the freaking cake. Not that the cake wasn't already big enough. Lemme be as vague as possible. Ever since I was a baby Christian, I've been taught to follow the word of God to the best of my ability. And I think I've done that. And I've wanted to do that. But now that I'm not a baby Christian anymore, it's getting hard out here for a pimp. I have a fun analogy for you guys. I wanna kill someone because I hate them so much and really that's the only way I see justice being served. I've never been a violent person, but suddenly I am consumed with violence. I know the bible says that vengeance is His, but quite frankly I'm tired of waiting. I feel so justified in committing such an evil act, but I know exactly what the scripture says. What's worse is that, the victim doesn't wanna be alive anyway.

I still have a spirit, because I know better. I don't exactly have a soul anymore though, because I don't think I care to do better. Sometimes it just feels better to give in. One more time, a big round of applause for Lucifer. And then I got all types of cute small children boosting me up like they have any clue. "You have such a calling on your life! You're my mentor! I know you're hand in hand with God!" Please don't even mention my duties as a music minister every Wednesday night. Talk about corruption, huh? I really feel like if God loved me, He'd just take me now while I'm still halfway serving Him. Dx

BUT LIKE-- I'm not mad at Him. I still try to jam His music and focus during worship. Lol, this is far.

My heart isn't in the best condition, either. Have you ever cared for someone so deeply that their struggles, no matter how big or small... kind of, become yours too? Like you know there's nothing you can do directly to make it go away, but gosh, you'll never stop trying. That probably goes both ways, so I guess the first thing I can do to make something better is pretend I'm okay, ha. I miss being genuinely happy. I miss when my mommy was my friend; because I promise one day she is going to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and she is going to get fired up, dirty. I wish I was even somewhat excited about Sizzle Retreat on Friday, or move-in day for college next Wednesday.

Ahh... Sizzle Retreat on Friday... with all the children who think too highly of me. With Sharon... who knows all your secrets before she even knows your name. With the sun... which will have me going to college looking like an African. Umm... yea. I'm excited!

Lol, I've been in my bed all day, lovesick, like that's supposed to be okay or something. But I don't even wanna get better... and that's really not supposed to be okay. Eff these feelings, though. I'm too real to be getting tangled up again.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy really is a great piece of musical art, in all it's secular deliciousness. "This'll be a beautiful death, jumpin' out the window, lettin' everything go..."

I swear these blogs are getting repetitive. Same crap, different day. Hot mess. Whatever. I'm out.