#aboutme

What a shallow distraction.

I'm a really good person. I love people (believe it or not). I like to have their trust, and I like for them to know how much I care. I get excited when I think of something sweet to do for someone else, especially when it's unwarranted. I love babies. If I could have a child (infant to 3) with me at all times, I'd so do it. You know why I like babies? Because there aren't ever any complications to the truth. When they're mad, they're mad, and that's it. When they love, they love wholeheartedly because they haven't been corrupted into knowing otherwise. I have a big heart for preteens too. I'm probably the only person in the world who thinks middle schoolers are precious, but aye, I'll save them all myself. I remember how lost I was in middle school, and how much I needed to be found. If only someone had cared, you know? So I do. And I care a lot.

Caring a lot, no matter how hard I try to pretend that I don't, is a general rule for me. I'm sure God meant for it to be a blessing, but Satan always manages it to turn it into a curse.

I'm going to have the most awesome family that was ever crafted. And like, I'm not even kidding. I'm going to be rocking the world with my counseling skills, and my husband is going to be rocking the world with his ministering skills, and together we are going to be unstoppable. Isn't that really what love is? Unstoppable. We'll get into that later. I want two kids. My oldest son will be named Elijah Michael, and my second is still up in the air. I really don't want a daughter. My husband is going to be the most gorgeous white man I've ever seen. Because love makes people gorgeous too. Divorce is not even going to be a word welcome in my home-- and that's really how I feel. And of course, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

The most stunning kinds of pain occur when there are few tears to be cried, and no words to even be mumbled.

I've got some crazy destructive habits. Friendships and others may be victimized, but it's mainly only myself. I struggle with thin lines (like the one between love and lust). I'm... very capable of drawing what I want from people. Turns out I like attention, too. At times I have such a drive to be disconnected from the world around me. The ways I strive to get there are less than healthy. In middle school I was obsessed with drugs. As of late, I just want to drink until I can't think straight anymore. But do not misunderstand me; I've never done either. I think that some things are better left unsaid, unfelt, unexperienced. You don't have to go through it all to know it all. I wish I'd realized that before. I don't trust myself with adult things because I don't make very grown-up decisions.

Those end-all thoughts I've been swallowed up in aren't quite gone. If I told you they were, I lied.

I'd like to think I have an innocent heart. I like VeggieTales and coloring. I like music/movies that remind me of my childhood. I wait on things that I know won't happen, lol. My favorite band is Paramore. My favorite rapper is Kanye West. I love Jesus Christ. Oh man, sometimes I get so caught up. My favorite color is pink. My birthday is February 12th. I was born in up-state New York. Things aren't always what they seem. I will forever be a sucker for love. I like hugs. I probably need one. At this very moment, I feel utterly consumed in my sin.

I mentioned that talking about myself was a shallow distraction. But since when has shallow ever failed me?