Thoughts of You

I try really hard to stay away from this type of thing, and lately its like fate doesn’t even care. My mind doesn’t want to be involved, but my heart isn’t listening. It bounces to and fro like it was made apart from me, and this time we’ve all landed on you. I’m not excited; it’s not going to be different. I’ll spend too much time thinking of you, while you’re thinking of her, and I’ll just change my mind about it in a few weeks. So why even bother? Why do I consistently insist on going there? Why are you so adorable?

I think we can all agree that the most effective way to dissolve an infatuation at top speed is by actually getting to know the person. He isn’t anything like how you imagined, matter of fact he’s a straight up jerk, right? And so I’m getting to know you, and I’m looking for all the signs, except there aren’t any. It turns out you’re still the same sweetheart I envisioned, and hey, you’ve got some substance too! What’s that, you say? You want more out of life than cheap dates and easy hook ups? You’re adorable. And then like the horrifying crash of a train wreck, you mention her. It was only a matter of time. But I’ll spare you, because I like her as much as you do.

Didn’t I say it wasn’t going to be any different? It’s okay though, really, it is. I don’t want to have feelings for you, so if you want to have feelings for her, be my guest. And let me help you out! Tell me all your insecurities and I’ll do my very best to make them disappear. I promise not to let her say anything bad about you. You can get her, if you try! I really mean it: and why wouldn’t I? If anyone deserves a happy story, it’s you.

Now I’m running around spreading the news to everyone, and the reactions I’m getting are quite comical. “EW, why?” seems to be the most popular, but my favorite was “to each, her own”. And now thinking about you is getting out of hand; there’s a slight problem when I can’t sleep, and not even music can shut you up. For all the reasons I have to be self-conscious, I don’t act it: except as of late, except around you… This is definitely getting to be a problem.

On the bright side, you’re such a cutie pie. You always have been, though. You’re the type of person I could spend forever with and find minimum objection. So how ‘bout it: me and you, and enough hugs and good conversation to last a lifetime. No? Well darling, I’m so sorry to tell you, but she doesn’t feel the same. She doesn’t see anything of what I can see so plainly—and I don’t understand it to save my life. I’m so sorry, I know how you feel.

But don’t stop trying. At least not till I do. I remember the times when I would have been completely content as long as you were, but I think I’m finding more satisfaction in both our failures. How sadistic of me. I’ll be hurting, but so will you, and that’s okay this time. I wonder why it’s different now. I promise I was sincere when I told you to go for it… I don’t know what happened. I hope something works out for you, and I hope I won’t be bitter about it. Right now, the only thing I can see working for me, is you. Dear God, kill me now.