Proverbs 3:5

I'm so tired. My arms are sore from worshiping You. My legs are weak from jumping up and down for You. My voice is unstable because I screamed so loud to You. I repeated those actions everyday for You because I wanted to feel You; but I could only feel him. And I know not to let any man come between me and You, but isn't this what You wanted? Didn't You put this love in my heart? It's the only logical explanation.

Prayer missions aren't usually for people like me. I don't even consciously pray for myself, but suddenly I'm so dedicated to the cause of Christ in you. Something you said completely set me off. I know there is power in prayer, although I haven't witnessed it for myself; I thought I picked a good time to become one of those witnesses, but He thought otherwise.

For a minute I thought We'd won: me, You, and him. And when I saw him at that altar my heart was so full of love. I worshiped You with all my heart for saving someone so near and dear to me. I worshiped You with all my heart because You had answered my prayers.

I don't know what changed on the last day, but its like everything had come undone and I thought to myself: "Pay attention please. He has something to say to you. What happened, dear? I thought you had your mind made up; what happened?"

To be honest, I didn't take it very well, because I don't understand any of it. I can't understand how someone can be surrounded by Your people and Your love for days and not want to be part of the fellowship. I don't understand how my prayers can be so selfless, and yet go unanswered. I was hurt, and I was mad at You because he is just a human, but You were supposed to work a miracle.

And then the music started to play, and there was an altar call. And I wanted to forget all of my faith because I was angry, but I cried instead and I reached out to Him one more time. I did it for you. And I couldn't hold my tongue anymore; I had to say what was on my mind. I hope you listened. I hope you realized how much I want this for you. I wasn't lying when I told you that you're my favorite. I love you.

And as for You: You're my everything. I still don't understand, not even a little bit, but I'm trusting in You with all my heart. We'll get him. We have to. Amen and amen.