Life is a beach: beautiful and enchanting to the utmost. You search the entire shore looking for something special, something different. And then by what seems to be divine intervention, you find it. Like a sea shell you just can't take your eyes off of. And I mean that sea shell is perfect. So you stop dead in your tracks and never even think twice about where you've sat yourself.
Have you ever built a sand castle? You're on the beach! Look at what you've got to work with! So many possibilities, and you know exactly what you want. It doesn't take long to conjure up the most extravagant structure ever fathomed. It's got sticks and rocks and behold, that dazzling little sea shell is the center piece. It's so big that you've created a deficit of sand in every direction as far as the eye can see. But you don't know the difference because you can't look past that shell, that gorgeous little shell.
The wind blows, and the skies change, but you're still lost in the majesty of your castle. The storm hits and you're painfully reminded that it's always just been sand. You watch as waves wash away your everything, and make an executive decision to leave the beach, indefinitely.
You're so devastated by the everyday occurrences in nature. But the real devastation is that you convinced yourself the cycle would stop for you. How could you be so naive? How could you be so silly? How could you be so stupid?
But the Sun does come out (one of the more fortunate events in nature). You don't want to go back and examine the damage, but a part of you knows it's unavoidable. The beach doesn't even look the same, perhaps because the sand has been equally reapportioned again. Your castle is no where to be found, but your shell is right there where you were forced to leave it. You start to think that maybe it should stay there, but quickly realize that the beach is less beautiful when you don't have your shell. And so you go back. The Sun shines brightly on it's newly acquired scratches, but it's still just as precious as you can remember.
How many sea shells are there on a beach? And there's gotta be one that shines brighter, too. None of that seems to matter, though; you don't want a new one. It won't be the same. And even deeper, how could you ever let go of the old one, your first one.
You don't know what you'll do with that shell now. Sometimes you want to destroy it and everything it stands for, except that's not too far from destroying yourself. It's crossed your mind to think up some new architecture, but it's always just been sand.
It's always just been sand.
So you'll wonder along the shore like in the beginning, but it's not back to square one. There's no telling what will become of you and your shell, but there is a most comforting hope. The Sun is still shining.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
#groundzero
I've been really missing my ignorant, innocent bliss. You know, when a good intention meant something, and there was hope in a promise. You know, when "sorry" meant that things were going to change. All that stuff is so far down the drain in my eyes now. I just wanna be six again, wahhhh.
It's such a shame that I'm being thrown away over a boy. I mean, it's happened before with her, but daaaang. I'm more disappointed about how she's handling it, though. It's like we've never even be friends. I get like, daily reports of her talking trash-- like whoa. And all those people she calls herself "venting" to agree with me. I'm just the only one who cared enough to be proactive about it. But I'm the bad one here. She's acting like I don't want her to be happy or something ridiculous like that. But aight. I won't even say I told you so.
Did y'all notice the past tense in cared? Yea. /:
I know that no friendship will ever be perfect, unless it's fake, but I'd rather have a whole bunch of different disagreements, than the same one over and over. I don't think I'll be making myself available for this kind of disagreement again. I hate when friendships expire. Especially one that meant so much. But I can't help but feel like I'll be needed before I need. It's a sad day, anyway.
And this is some crazy temptation. If I'm gonna be the bad guy either way, I might as well back up my title, right (; Ha, no. God dealt with me on that last night. Today I reminded myself that they talked about Jesus too, when all He was trying to do was spread the gospel.
Man, now that I think about it, God has been dealing with me on a LOT of stuff. I had been feeling totally vengeful about something, and it was scaring me. I didn't wanna be that way, but at the same time, I sooo did. LOL, I'd stopped praying and kept myself from reading my bible because I already knew what God was gonna say and didn't wanna hear it. Surprise, He got the message to me anyway.
I miss my mommy. Everyone can feel free to SHUT UP about your sarcastic comments. (:
But so the womens retreat was pretty goooood! I loved spending all that time with Bekah and Nicole. The sermons were a lot of backing what I already knew. And lets just say, "some things never change" has been praised out of my thought process. Things change according to God's perfect time, not according to our own impatient, selfish wants.
I wanna tell Jehwet that I'm totally having my cake and eating it too, but I don't wanna tell him the details cuz he'll shake his head at me... like everyone else is seemingly doing xD
Mrs. D'spain is my favorite teacher evar. x]
ABDC tonight, woot! And praise God for Friday, which is definitely tomorrow.
It's such a shame that I'm being thrown away over a boy. I mean, it's happened before with her, but daaaang. I'm more disappointed about how she's handling it, though. It's like we've never even be friends. I get like, daily reports of her talking trash-- like whoa. And all those people she calls herself "venting" to agree with me. I'm just the only one who cared enough to be proactive about it. But I'm the bad one here. She's acting like I don't want her to be happy or something ridiculous like that. But aight. I won't even say I told you so.
Did y'all notice the past tense in cared? Yea. /:
I know that no friendship will ever be perfect, unless it's fake, but I'd rather have a whole bunch of different disagreements, than the same one over and over. I don't think I'll be making myself available for this kind of disagreement again. I hate when friendships expire. Especially one that meant so much. But I can't help but feel like I'll be needed before I need. It's a sad day, anyway.
And this is some crazy temptation. If I'm gonna be the bad guy either way, I might as well back up my title, right (; Ha, no. God dealt with me on that last night. Today I reminded myself that they talked about Jesus too, when all He was trying to do was spread the gospel.
Man, now that I think about it, God has been dealing with me on a LOT of stuff. I had been feeling totally vengeful about something, and it was scaring me. I didn't wanna be that way, but at the same time, I sooo did. LOL, I'd stopped praying and kept myself from reading my bible because I already knew what God was gonna say and didn't wanna hear it. Surprise, He got the message to me anyway.
I miss my mommy. Everyone can feel free to SHUT UP about your sarcastic comments. (:
But so the womens retreat was pretty goooood! I loved spending all that time with Bekah and Nicole. The sermons were a lot of backing what I already knew. And lets just say, "some things never change" has been praised out of my thought process. Things change according to God's perfect time, not according to our own impatient, selfish wants.
I wanna tell Jehwet that I'm totally having my cake and eating it too, but I don't wanna tell him the details cuz he'll shake his head at me... like everyone else is seemingly doing xD
Mrs. D'spain is my favorite teacher evar. x]
ABDC tonight, woot! And praise God for Friday, which is definitely tomorrow.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
#ohhappyday
I should have known this was coming. :D
So yesterday, actually right after I posted that "end of the world" blog, I had an intense conversation with my BFF Alicia. She put me in check, hard. She said that I was switching acceptance with healing and that why I still cry sometimes. I keep making excuses for him, but the bottom line is I was hurt. And that's it. Not "I was hurt but it's okay because blah blah blah and he only meant womp womp womp." I want there to be some method to this madness, always. "But he had to be justified in hurting me so badly." She so did not like me saying that. She said that it wasn't my place to excuse his actions, because I don't actually have the knowledge to complete such an action. And then she yelled at me more when I told her it's been too long fer me to still be concerned with this. "If you cared about him the way you say you did, it's going to take more than a few months to heal. The way you feel won't altar reality, and the reality is your heart is broken." This is like a whole new world for me xD
But duh, I'm not mad at him, so that always helps.
Man I remember back in the day when I couldn't get Alicia to open up to me for NOTHIN'. I've always just been so drawn to having a friendship with her, and now I totally see the reason. She used to be so down all the time and it hurt me to see that because I couldn't ever change her circumstances. But as of late, she has fallen in love with the Lord. *stops to do a praise dance* And now she's preaching His love to me the way I used to preach it to her. I really hope she gets to come to DBU with me. We're so gonna be roommates. And BFFs... FINALLY.
I also talked to Kylie. She made me more aware of something, as well. She said that instead of facing it, I'm running from it. I'm running to God, so it's definitely an appropriate run. I still don't quite understand what she was saying, but I feel like theres some truth to it, nonetheless.
Have y'all noticed how blessed I am to have such a support group? :D
Yesterday before church, I was REALLY testy, because I was thinking about how I wanted worship to be perfect. Everyone in the youth band is a minister, and it's our job to usher the Spirit into service. I was listening to the song list and realizing how amazing it was and... blah. What I'm trying to explain really is irrelevant because God moved all up IN that thang! Freedom: chains were breaking loose. You Hold Me Now: people were praising Him in advance. Fire Fall Down: we were calling out to Him for more.
I don't know if everyone hit the right notes at all times, and I don't know if the vocals were loud enough but obviously, none of that stuff even mattered. To be honest, I'm not completely sure what was going on the whole time. I was so lost in the worship, asking God to send the fire. There was an altar call for people who had a burden they didn't want anymore. Hello. I came off the stage and asked Nicole to pray for me, and lemme tell you, I FELT that prayer.
So today, my outfit is cute, my heart is warm, my smile is big, and my God is good.
I'm looking forward to my hair appointment this afternoon, and ABDC. That little Asian judge man is so sexy. I'm also pretty excited to see my husband Sterling (;
Tomorrow I'm leaving school early and going to my future school with Karla. And then we're heading to Bekah's house for the Womens Retreat this weekend at the campgrounds. I wasn't going to go, but Nicole told me God told her I need to be there. That in itself tells me great things are gonna go down.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. :D
So yesterday, actually right after I posted that "end of the world" blog, I had an intense conversation with my BFF Alicia. She put me in check, hard. She said that I was switching acceptance with healing and that why I still cry sometimes. I keep making excuses for him, but the bottom line is I was hurt. And that's it. Not "I was hurt but it's okay because blah blah blah and he only meant womp womp womp." I want there to be some method to this madness, always. "But he had to be justified in hurting me so badly." She so did not like me saying that. She said that it wasn't my place to excuse his actions, because I don't actually have the knowledge to complete such an action. And then she yelled at me more when I told her it's been too long fer me to still be concerned with this. "If you cared about him the way you say you did, it's going to take more than a few months to heal. The way you feel won't altar reality, and the reality is your heart is broken." This is like a whole new world for me xD
But duh, I'm not mad at him, so that always helps.
Man I remember back in the day when I couldn't get Alicia to open up to me for NOTHIN'. I've always just been so drawn to having a friendship with her, and now I totally see the reason. She used to be so down all the time and it hurt me to see that because I couldn't ever change her circumstances. But as of late, she has fallen in love with the Lord. *stops to do a praise dance* And now she's preaching His love to me the way I used to preach it to her. I really hope she gets to come to DBU with me. We're so gonna be roommates. And BFFs... FINALLY.
I also talked to Kylie. She made me more aware of something, as well. She said that instead of facing it, I'm running from it. I'm running to God, so it's definitely an appropriate run. I still don't quite understand what she was saying, but I feel like theres some truth to it, nonetheless.
Have y'all noticed how blessed I am to have such a support group? :D
Yesterday before church, I was REALLY testy, because I was thinking about how I wanted worship to be perfect. Everyone in the youth band is a minister, and it's our job to usher the Spirit into service. I was listening to the song list and realizing how amazing it was and... blah. What I'm trying to explain really is irrelevant because God moved all up IN that thang! Freedom: chains were breaking loose. You Hold Me Now: people were praising Him in advance. Fire Fall Down: we were calling out to Him for more.
I don't know if everyone hit the right notes at all times, and I don't know if the vocals were loud enough but obviously, none of that stuff even mattered. To be honest, I'm not completely sure what was going on the whole time. I was so lost in the worship, asking God to send the fire. There was an altar call for people who had a burden they didn't want anymore. Hello. I came off the stage and asked Nicole to pray for me, and lemme tell you, I FELT that prayer.
So today, my outfit is cute, my heart is warm, my smile is big, and my God is good.
I'm looking forward to my hair appointment this afternoon, and ABDC. That little Asian judge man is so sexy. I'm also pretty excited to see my husband Sterling (;
Tomorrow I'm leaving school early and going to my future school with Karla. And then we're heading to Bekah's house for the Womens Retreat this weekend at the campgrounds. I wasn't going to go, but Nicole told me God told her I need to be there. That in itself tells me great things are gonna go down.
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. :D
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
#goodmorning
You know how some things nevar change and you don't really get over them, you just get used to them. Except for the times where you suddenly aren't used to them. Nothing I want to discuss. But you know, that one thing that always bothers you until the end of forever even after you think you're done with it. When you really should have been done with it a long time ago. But... some things never change. I've prayed about it a lot, and now I'm starting to think God wants me to be trapped forever. I wish it was something that was just my own fault. I wish I had blatantly messed up. I wish there weren't so many loose ends everywhere. I'll stop talking about this now, though. I know theres a reason, but I wish He'd tell me because sometimes I let it keep me from living my fricken life. And sometimes I cry. And everything makes me remember. But it wasn't even my fault. It just happened to me, and now it's going to consume me, because some things never change. And I know I don't "need" for it to fix itself. Because Jesus is all I'll ever need. I just wish... I don't even know what I wish anymore. I wish I didn't still cry sometimes. This type of thing hurts my pride. Vomit, vomit, embarrassment, vomit.
"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
From what I can tell, I can't have anything. Being 'over it' is not a real life concept; it's an untruth you tell yourself so you'll get up in the morning. Cuz joy comes in the morning, right? And all of the lies you tell yourself to get there. I'm starting to feel like a victim. I used to feel like an innocent bystander who showed up at the wrong time.
It's the morning, but I'm not sure what came today. I don't even want to deceive myself anymore.
And what's great about all of this is I can't even break down the way I need to during worship today, because I have to freaking lead it. I'm not mad at God, I'm pissed beyond measure at this piece of crap world, and all it's murders who kill the good in people without even being phased. These murderers-- they've gone unaffected and I can't even get past it. But it's not the murderer that makes me cringe. It's the fact that I've been murdered.
Lol, this is some bull. School is far today.
Dear Lane Harper, my life would suck without you. Thank you for always listening to me hurt about the same things, and saying funny things to make them better. "I'm gonna play my bass on the ground and stare at you." LOL, you don't even know how that has affected my day. You are such a cool kid, and I love you.
"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
From what I can tell, I can't have anything. Being 'over it' is not a real life concept; it's an untruth you tell yourself so you'll get up in the morning. Cuz joy comes in the morning, right? And all of the lies you tell yourself to get there. I'm starting to feel like a victim. I used to feel like an innocent bystander who showed up at the wrong time.
It's the morning, but I'm not sure what came today. I don't even want to deceive myself anymore.
And what's great about all of this is I can't even break down the way I need to during worship today, because I have to freaking lead it. I'm not mad at God, I'm pissed beyond measure at this piece of crap world, and all it's murders who kill the good in people without even being phased. These murderers-- they've gone unaffected and I can't even get past it. But it's not the murderer that makes me cringe. It's the fact that I've been murdered.
Lol, this is some bull. School is far today.
Dear Lane Harper, my life would suck without you. Thank you for always listening to me hurt about the same things, and saying funny things to make them better. "I'm gonna play my bass on the ground and stare at you." LOL, you don't even know how that has affected my day. You are such a cool kid, and I love you.
Monday, April 11, 2011
#kadesh
I'd say these past few days have been quite the adventure.
Ashley is a suck. Yes she is, indeed. But who needs her company, when I have new STUFF. Haha, I got a new purse (or two) and my senior breakfast dress. I'm really happy about my fossil bag, because it's a spring/summer purse; but it's material, so when it gets dirty it'll be easy to clean. In the past I've tried to manage white soft leather purses that get all marked up at school and it's just been a disaster. But I say NO MORE. That dress is pretty epic, too. It's like kinda formal and kinda casual so I can totally dress it up or down depending on the occasion. It's going to be cute at church on Graduation Sunday, too. Yayyy, stuff!
I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with you the malfunction that went down in my brain on Saturday night. You know how sometimes you keep suppressing the same kind of hurt no matter how many times it comes up, and then the most insignificant reflection of that hurt appears, and you explode all over everything and everyone? Mhmm.
So of course yesterday at church I needed God to tell me something. Oh, He told me something, alright.
Pastors sister was there leading worship. She's so cute. Anyway, midway through worship she starts talking about how if you want to do something, you just gotta go for it. And then she says something along the line of "If you can sing-- you in the front, I feel like you can sing." I'm totally looking at Krystal asking if she's talking to her. And then she proceeds, "Yes, I'm talking to you, the one who's looking around." I'm freaking out by now. "If you wanna sing, just go for it!" And then she started talking about other stuff, thank God.
So I'm stressing myself out about things that aren't even my responsibility, and God tells me to sing bigger. Kay. Gotta say though, I sang my heart out at band practice that afternoon :P
By the wayyy, Chrystal Cole ROCKED bible study. She's getting down to the real stuff that we need to hear at this age, and I'm loving it. I hope this happens more often. 2 Peter, chapter 2: not for the weak in spirit.
I've been doing sooo good with going with the flow. I honestly don't know what happened, but all yesterday afternoon, I was like "Really, God? Like ferserious? Why?" And today when I came home from school, He extra randomly gave me the answer. "Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." He gots this, that's why, haaa.
Man, yo. It's crazy how my good intentions have been twisted into some madd evil. I saw a friend hurting and thought there was something I could do about it, so I tried. I saw an opportunity for someone else to gain from my loss, and thought I was doing the right thing by saying okay. Now look. "Good intentions", huh.
I went into a laughing fit of rage during government today. I actually had to leave the classroom to calm down xD
I haven't read my bible in a minute. Wanna know why? Cuz I told myself I'd start on Revelation, and now I'm scared. Not scared of what it says is coming, cuz I know my Lord has me covered and blanketed, buuuut... man idk. I should probably stop putting it off, though.
Something's wrong with Jared, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it on Wednesday. Bet.
I swear, I always fall for your type. It's the same stuff that gets me, and that will probably always get me. It's okay though. I told God this morning that He'd better help me guard my heart, because I clearly can't do it on my own. And I'm not playin'.
I'm ever amazed at what God is doing in my life and in the lives of others. Do you know what Kadesh means? It means He's holy! Holy means set apart, above, and different. He's not like us! Bask in it. I sure am.
This week will be a good one, in the high name of Jesus. No sweeter name. -continues to holy roll-
Ashley is a suck. Yes she is, indeed. But who needs her company, when I have new STUFF. Haha, I got a new purse (or two) and my senior breakfast dress. I'm really happy about my fossil bag, because it's a spring/summer purse; but it's material, so when it gets dirty it'll be easy to clean. In the past I've tried to manage white soft leather purses that get all marked up at school and it's just been a disaster. But I say NO MORE. That dress is pretty epic, too. It's like kinda formal and kinda casual so I can totally dress it up or down depending on the occasion. It's going to be cute at church on Graduation Sunday, too. Yayyy, stuff!
I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with you the malfunction that went down in my brain on Saturday night. You know how sometimes you keep suppressing the same kind of hurt no matter how many times it comes up, and then the most insignificant reflection of that hurt appears, and you explode all over everything and everyone? Mhmm.
So of course yesterday at church I needed God to tell me something. Oh, He told me something, alright.
Pastors sister was there leading worship. She's so cute. Anyway, midway through worship she starts talking about how if you want to do something, you just gotta go for it. And then she says something along the line of "If you can sing-- you in the front, I feel like you can sing." I'm totally looking at Krystal asking if she's talking to her. And then she proceeds, "Yes, I'm talking to you, the one who's looking around." I'm freaking out by now. "If you wanna sing, just go for it!" And then she started talking about other stuff, thank God.
So I'm stressing myself out about things that aren't even my responsibility, and God tells me to sing bigger. Kay. Gotta say though, I sang my heart out at band practice that afternoon :P
By the wayyy, Chrystal Cole ROCKED bible study. She's getting down to the real stuff that we need to hear at this age, and I'm loving it. I hope this happens more often. 2 Peter, chapter 2: not for the weak in spirit.
I've been doing sooo good with going with the flow. I honestly don't know what happened, but all yesterday afternoon, I was like "Really, God? Like ferserious? Why?" And today when I came home from school, He extra randomly gave me the answer. "Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." He gots this, that's why, haaa.
Man, yo. It's crazy how my good intentions have been twisted into some madd evil. I saw a friend hurting and thought there was something I could do about it, so I tried. I saw an opportunity for someone else to gain from my loss, and thought I was doing the right thing by saying okay. Now look. "Good intentions", huh.
I went into a laughing fit of rage during government today. I actually had to leave the classroom to calm down xD
I haven't read my bible in a minute. Wanna know why? Cuz I told myself I'd start on Revelation, and now I'm scared. Not scared of what it says is coming, cuz I know my Lord has me covered and blanketed, buuuut... man idk. I should probably stop putting it off, though.
Something's wrong with Jared, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it on Wednesday. Bet.
I swear, I always fall for your type. It's the same stuff that gets me, and that will probably always get me. It's okay though. I told God this morning that He'd better help me guard my heart, because I clearly can't do it on my own. And I'm not playin'.
I'm ever amazed at what God is doing in my life and in the lives of others. Do you know what Kadesh means? It means He's holy! Holy means set apart, above, and different. He's not like us! Bask in it. I sure am.
This week will be a good one, in the high name of Jesus. No sweeter name. -continues to holy roll-
Friday, April 8, 2011
#onethingremains
It seems I've gotten myself into one of those situations. You know? Where everything gets all messed up, and instead making things better, the only thing you can do is get used to them being all messed up.
I'd like to think that I've forgiven in the full, but there's not really a way to know. I trust that God is dealing with me exactly how I need to be dealt with, but what if I'm keeping myself from letting go? What if one day I get the opportunity to get revenge, and I take it? That scares me. May God never test me in that way.
I hate when people have one thing to say behind your back, and something completely different to say to your face. Those kind of people need to be removed from my presence. I hate when people you've known since third grade suddenly act like you've been life long enemies. Those kind of people need to be reality checked, hard. It has not yet been revealed to me how to treat and check these two individuals with love; therefore I will not seek to carry out this task. They ought not try me though, because my patience is worn thin.
I've been reading this book called "Crazy Love". It's really good but it's making me question my faith. Not the kind of "is God even real" questioning, but the "am I real with God" questioning. It gives me quite the heartburn. If you could go to heaven (with all it's promises) except that Jesus wouldn't be there, would you still want to go? Intense, right. Stephanie made a good point though. Heaven without Jesus isn't heaven.
I talked to a few of my loves yesterday, and gawd everyones so broken down. I wish there were something I could directly do to help. I wish they were all as close to God as I am. Because I'm learning that when God comes first no matter what, everything else just seems to fall into place.
Praise the high name of Jesus that today is Friday.
This weekend should be at least semi-eventful. I wanna go shopping with Ashley, but she's playing games and not making confirmations. I really need a new purse. This huge thing I've been lugging around is on my last nerve, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need some FREAKIN' clothes too, but I'll try to put that off as long as I can.
I'm really excited fer church on Sunday. I wish church was everyday. I've been praying a lot, for the masses.
"Higher than the mountains that I face. Stronger than the power of the grave. Constant through the trail and the change; one thing remains. Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me." Through all the sticky situations and uncertainty, He stays the same. I wish I could explain the depth of what God means to me. I guess I'm ready to stop talking about it, and start living it.
Leggo. :D
I'd like to think that I've forgiven in the full, but there's not really a way to know. I trust that God is dealing with me exactly how I need to be dealt with, but what if I'm keeping myself from letting go? What if one day I get the opportunity to get revenge, and I take it? That scares me. May God never test me in that way.
I hate when people have one thing to say behind your back, and something completely different to say to your face. Those kind of people need to be removed from my presence. I hate when people you've known since third grade suddenly act like you've been life long enemies. Those kind of people need to be reality checked, hard. It has not yet been revealed to me how to treat and check these two individuals with love; therefore I will not seek to carry out this task. They ought not try me though, because my patience is worn thin.
I've been reading this book called "Crazy Love". It's really good but it's making me question my faith. Not the kind of "is God even real" questioning, but the "am I real with God" questioning. It gives me quite the heartburn. If you could go to heaven (with all it's promises) except that Jesus wouldn't be there, would you still want to go? Intense, right. Stephanie made a good point though. Heaven without Jesus isn't heaven.
I talked to a few of my loves yesterday, and gawd everyones so broken down. I wish there were something I could directly do to help. I wish they were all as close to God as I am. Because I'm learning that when God comes first no matter what, everything else just seems to fall into place.
Praise the high name of Jesus that today is Friday.
This weekend should be at least semi-eventful. I wanna go shopping with Ashley, but she's playing games and not making confirmations. I really need a new purse. This huge thing I've been lugging around is on my last nerve, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE. I need some FREAKIN' clothes too, but I'll try to put that off as long as I can.
I'm really excited fer church on Sunday. I wish church was everyday. I've been praying a lot, for the masses.
"Higher than the mountains that I face. Stronger than the power of the grave. Constant through the trail and the change; one thing remains. Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me." Through all the sticky situations and uncertainty, He stays the same. I wish I could explain the depth of what God means to me. I guess I'm ready to stop talking about it, and start living it.
Leggo. :D
Sunday, April 3, 2011
#loveriot
So I stayed home on Friday because I predicted how epicly insane this weekend would be, and I couldn't handle 14 days of not staying in my house all day at least ONCE during such an extended period of time. I slept a lot. That was nice.
Here's where it gets good. Me and Krystal spent the weekend at Chrystal and Eric's house. Kim and Jason (two of the coolest grown ups evar) came over on Friday and we went fishing. I didn't catch anything, but that was some major deja vu. Eric put a fish on my arm. ): This is after he fed me the most repulsive pizza I've ever had in my entire life. It tasted like fresh cardboard. (I only make note of this, because all the country people that live over there swear its the best thing since sliced bread, pahahah.)
Eric and Chrystal totally live 20 minutes away from the COG camp grounds, right? He still made me and Krystal get up with him and drive an hour to Irving so that we could be at the church to pick up the rest of the band at 7:15. I woke up at freaking 5:40. That was RIDICULOUS. Actually, it was more fun than ridiculous-- because I had to be out of it the whole day.
We went to this super delicious sandwich shop in Weatherford, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without it. Eric treated us to Dairy Queen, and then we went to the park. The band ended up getting runner up in contemporary band, I got first in creative writing for essay, and Karla got a bunch of stuff for her artsy fantasticness. I don't think we'll make it out to the national competition, but it's okay, because we don't have to be there, and we can still win! One of the newer girls in our band entered as a solo female artist. She didn't win, and she was super upset (which really hurt my heart) but I have a surprise fer her on Wednesday!
This weekend provided some major bonding time between us bandmates. I love everyone so much more than I already did in the past. Me and Chrystal had some much needed mother-daughter conversation. I wanna be just like her when I grow up. <3 Me and Stud Muffin had a good heart to heart at the park. Me and Krystal had the most epic heart to heart before bed last night. I was reminded of how much the younger ones really love and need me. I saw a whole new side of Eric, and it made me sooo much more glad that he's my youth pastor. There were so many good feelings flying around everywhere, it's just crazy. I wish Kendra and Ander could have been there. Sadface.
Bible study this morning was extra good. Chrystal reminded us that there is indeed still a hell, and that people are going to end up there if we as Christians don't get on our jobs. She talked about how it's inappropriate to be angry with God (in any circumstance), because that's like suggesting you know better than He does. I was already aware of that, though. Attention followers of God: your salvation does need to be maintained and renewed from time to time.
Service was pretty awesome too. Pastor recognized us for our Teen Talent accomplishments; he's so sweet. Gotta be honest, though. The end of his message kicked my face off. I'll tell y'all about that when I come to more conclusions about my life and the decisions I've made. Mhmm, it was about interpersonal relationships and how sometimes we just throw them away. Nuff said.
Band practice will be better next week, in the name of Jesus.
So now I'm home. This is a big deal, guys. I'm sooo tired. God has been good. I think we can all agree. Maybe tomorrow it will snow (:
Here's where it gets good. Me and Krystal spent the weekend at Chrystal and Eric's house. Kim and Jason (two of the coolest grown ups evar) came over on Friday and we went fishing. I didn't catch anything, but that was some major deja vu. Eric put a fish on my arm. ): This is after he fed me the most repulsive pizza I've ever had in my entire life. It tasted like fresh cardboard. (I only make note of this, because all the country people that live over there swear its the best thing since sliced bread, pahahah.)
Eric and Chrystal totally live 20 minutes away from the COG camp grounds, right? He still made me and Krystal get up with him and drive an hour to Irving so that we could be at the church to pick up the rest of the band at 7:15. I woke up at freaking 5:40. That was RIDICULOUS. Actually, it was more fun than ridiculous-- because I had to be out of it the whole day.
We went to this super delicious sandwich shop in Weatherford, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without it. Eric treated us to Dairy Queen, and then we went to the park. The band ended up getting runner up in contemporary band, I got first in creative writing for essay, and Karla got a bunch of stuff for her artsy fantasticness. I don't think we'll make it out to the national competition, but it's okay, because we don't have to be there, and we can still win! One of the newer girls in our band entered as a solo female artist. She didn't win, and she was super upset (which really hurt my heart) but I have a surprise fer her on Wednesday!
This weekend provided some major bonding time between us bandmates. I love everyone so much more than I already did in the past. Me and Chrystal had some much needed mother-daughter conversation. I wanna be just like her when I grow up. <3 Me and Stud Muffin had a good heart to heart at the park. Me and Krystal had the most epic heart to heart before bed last night. I was reminded of how much the younger ones really love and need me. I saw a whole new side of Eric, and it made me sooo much more glad that he's my youth pastor. There were so many good feelings flying around everywhere, it's just crazy. I wish Kendra and Ander could have been there. Sadface.
Bible study this morning was extra good. Chrystal reminded us that there is indeed still a hell, and that people are going to end up there if we as Christians don't get on our jobs. She talked about how it's inappropriate to be angry with God (in any circumstance), because that's like suggesting you know better than He does. I was already aware of that, though. Attention followers of God: your salvation does need to be maintained and renewed from time to time.
Service was pretty awesome too. Pastor recognized us for our Teen Talent accomplishments; he's so sweet. Gotta be honest, though. The end of his message kicked my face off. I'll tell y'all about that when I come to more conclusions about my life and the decisions I've made. Mhmm, it was about interpersonal relationships and how sometimes we just throw them away. Nuff said.
Band practice will be better next week, in the name of Jesus.
So now I'm home. This is a big deal, guys. I'm sooo tired. God has been good. I think we can all agree. Maybe tomorrow it will snow (:
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