#groundzero

I've been really missing my ignorant, innocent bliss. You know, when a good intention meant something, and there was hope in a promise. You know, when "sorry" meant that things were going to change. All that stuff is so far down the drain in my eyes now. I just wanna be six again, wahhhh.

It's such a shame that I'm being thrown away over a boy. I mean, it's happened before with her, but daaaang. I'm more disappointed about how she's handling it, though. It's like we've never even be friends. I get like, daily reports of her talking trash-- like whoa. And all those people she calls herself "venting" to agree with me. I'm just the only one who cared enough to be proactive about it. But I'm the bad one here. She's acting like I don't want her to be happy or something ridiculous like that. But aight. I won't even say I told you so.

Did y'all notice the past tense in cared? Yea. /:

I know that no friendship will ever be perfect, unless it's fake, but I'd rather have a whole bunch of different disagreements, than the same one over and over. I don't think I'll be making myself available for this kind of disagreement again. I hate when friendships expire. Especially one that meant so much. But I can't help but feel like I'll be needed before I need. It's a sad day, anyway.

And this is some crazy temptation. If I'm gonna be the bad guy either way, I might as well back up my title, right (; Ha, no. God dealt with me on that last night. Today I reminded myself that they talked about Jesus too, when all He was trying to do was spread the gospel.

Man, now that I think about it, God has been dealing with me on a LOT of stuff. I had been feeling totally vengeful about something, and it was scaring me. I didn't wanna be that way, but at the same time, I sooo did. LOL, I'd stopped praying and kept myself from reading my bible because I already knew what God was gonna say and didn't wanna hear it. Surprise, He got the message to me anyway.

I miss my mommy. Everyone can feel free to SHUT UP about your sarcastic comments. (:

But so the womens retreat was pretty goooood! I loved spending all that time with Bekah and Nicole. The sermons were a lot of backing what I already knew. And lets just say, "some things never change" has been praised out of my thought process. Things change according to God's perfect time, not according to our own impatient, selfish wants.

I wanna tell Jehwet that I'm totally having my cake and eating it too, but I don't wanna tell him the details cuz he'll shake his head at me... like everyone else is seemingly doing xD

Mrs. D'spain is my favorite teacher evar. x]

ABDC tonight, woot! And praise God for Friday, which is definitely tomorrow.