#kadesh

I'd say these past few days have been quite the adventure.

Ashley is a suck. Yes she is, indeed. But who needs her company, when I have new STUFF. Haha, I got a new purse (or two) and my senior breakfast dress. I'm really happy about my fossil bag, because it's a spring/summer purse; but it's material, so when it gets dirty it'll be easy to clean. In the past I've tried to manage white soft leather purses that get all marked up at school and it's just been a disaster. But I say NO MORE. That dress is pretty epic, too. It's like kinda formal and kinda casual so I can totally dress it up or down depending on the occasion. It's going to be cute at church on Graduation Sunday, too. Yayyy, stuff!

I'm trying to figure out how to discuss with you the malfunction that went down in my brain on Saturday night. You know how sometimes you keep suppressing the same kind of hurt no matter how many times it comes up, and then the most insignificant reflection of that hurt appears, and you explode all over everything and everyone? Mhmm.

So of course yesterday at church I needed God to tell me something. Oh, He told me something, alright.

Pastors sister was there leading worship. She's so cute. Anyway, midway through worship she starts talking about how if you want to do something, you just gotta go for it. And then she says something along the line of "If you can sing-- you in the front, I feel like you can sing." I'm totally looking at Krystal asking if she's talking to her. And then she proceeds, "Yes, I'm talking to you, the one who's looking around." I'm freaking out by now. "If you wanna sing, just go for it!" And then she started talking about other stuff, thank God.

So I'm stressing myself out about things that aren't even my responsibility, and God tells me to sing bigger. Kay. Gotta say though, I sang my heart out at band practice that afternoon :P

By the wayyy, Chrystal Cole ROCKED bible study. She's getting down to the real stuff that we need to hear at this age, and I'm loving it. I hope this happens more often. 2 Peter, chapter 2: not for the weak in spirit.

I've been doing sooo good with going with the flow. I honestly don't know what happened, but all yesterday afternoon, I was like "Really, God? Like ferserious? Why?" And today when I came home from school, He extra randomly gave me the answer. "Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." He gots this, that's why, haaa.

Man, yo. It's crazy how my good intentions have been twisted into some madd evil. I saw a friend hurting and thought there was something I could do about it, so I tried. I saw an opportunity for someone else to gain from my loss, and thought I was doing the right thing by saying okay. Now look. "Good intentions", huh.

I went into a laughing fit of rage during government today. I actually had to leave the classroom to calm down xD

I haven't read my bible in a minute. Wanna know why? Cuz I told myself I'd start on Revelation, and now I'm scared. Not scared of what it says is coming, cuz I know my Lord has me covered and blanketed, buuuut... man idk. I should probably stop putting it off, though.

Something's wrong with Jared, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it on Wednesday. Bet.

I swear, I always fall for your type. It's the same stuff that gets me, and that will probably always get me. It's okay though. I told God this morning that He'd better help me guard my heart, because I clearly can't do it on my own. And I'm not playin'.

I'm ever amazed at what God is doing in my life and in the lives of others. Do you know what Kadesh means? It means He's holy! Holy means set apart, above, and different. He's not like us! Bask in it. I sure am.

This week will be a good one, in the high name of Jesus. No sweeter name. -continues to holy roll-