#ohhappyday

I should have known this was coming. :D

So yesterday, actually right after I posted that "end of the world" blog, I had an intense conversation with my BFF Alicia. She put me in check, hard. She said that I was switching acceptance with healing and that why I still cry sometimes. I keep making excuses for him, but the bottom line is I was hurt. And that's it. Not "I was hurt but it's okay because blah blah blah and he only meant womp womp womp." I want there to be some method to this madness, always. "But he had to be justified in hurting me so badly." She so did not like me saying that. She said that it wasn't my place to excuse his actions, because I don't actually have the knowledge to complete such an action. And then she yelled at me more when I told her it's been too long fer me to still be concerned with this. "If you cared about him the way you say you did, it's going to take more than a few months to heal. The way you feel won't altar reality, and the reality is your heart is broken." This is like a whole new world for me xD

But duh, I'm not mad at him, so that always helps.

Man I remember back in the day when I couldn't get Alicia to open up to me for NOTHIN'. I've always just been so drawn to having a friendship with her, and now I totally see the reason. She used to be so down all the time and it hurt me to see that because I couldn't ever change her circumstances. But as of late, she has fallen in love with the Lord. *stops to do a praise dance* And now she's preaching His love to me the way I used to preach it to her. I really hope she gets to come to DBU with me. We're so gonna be roommates. And BFFs... FINALLY.

I also talked to Kylie. She made me more aware of something, as well. She said that instead of facing it, I'm running from it. I'm running to God, so it's definitely an appropriate run. I still don't quite understand what she was saying, but I feel like theres some truth to it, nonetheless.

Have y'all noticed how blessed I am to have such a support group? :D

Yesterday before church, I was REALLY testy, because I was thinking about how I wanted worship to be perfect. Everyone in the youth band is a minister, and it's our job to usher the Spirit into service. I was listening to the song list and realizing how amazing it was and... blah. What I'm trying to explain really is irrelevant because God moved all up IN that thang! Freedom: chains were breaking loose. You Hold Me Now: people were praising Him in advance. Fire Fall Down: we were calling out to Him for more.

I don't know if everyone hit the right notes at all times, and I don't know if the vocals were loud enough but obviously, none of that stuff even mattered. To be honest, I'm not completely sure what was going on the whole time. I was so lost in the worship, asking God to send the fire. There was an altar call for people who had a burden they didn't want anymore. Hello. I came off the stage and asked Nicole to pray for me, and lemme tell you, I FELT that prayer.

So today, my outfit is cute, my heart is warm, my smile is big, and my God is good.

I'm looking forward to my hair appointment this afternoon, and ABDC. That little Asian judge man is so sexy. I'm also pretty excited to see my husband Sterling (;

Tomorrow I'm leaving school early and going to my future school with Karla. And then we're heading to Bekah's house for the Womens Retreat this weekend at the campgrounds. I wasn't going to go, but Nicole told me God told her I need to be there. That in itself tells me great things are gonna go down.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. :D