Um. I still really don't know whats going on in my life.

Band camp started on Monday; I absolutely HATE being around all those people who remind me of my old self and make it hard for me not to slip back into my old ways. I love them, but I don't love the effect they have on me. Sigh.

My heart has been mostly conflicted. But Jennifer helped me realize today that, I don't wanna lose my best friend over something silly. I actually get pretty scared when I start to think about it. And the best thing to do would be to just talk it out, right? But I don't wanna go there... LOL, and today I felt my first wave of intense jealousy. What an adventure; here we goooo. ;]

I figured we'd just have poetry time since I'm not mentally able to talk about anything else :P

System Error

This love has conquered all
Yet undivided, now we fall
Because you have got the best of me
And we won’t ever be the same”

It’s the way that I love you
Like our lungs love the air
But the oxygen supply
Won’t support the wear and tear
It’s the way that you love me
Like our hearts love the beat
But the blood flow is slowing down
System error to replete
And I am surely suffocating
My body cannot bear the waiting

Except that is what I know to do
Hold by breath and wait for you
And I try to stay alive
Reminiscing once upon a time
Because you promised happily ever after

I’m afraid our picture perfect has shattered
Its tiny parts are all too faded, too scattered
We aren’t brave enough for heartbreak
So we settle for heartache
And we pick up the pieces
To make the same mistakes

I love you like you love me
But perhaps we just weren’t meant to be
But wait just a minute, you have to know
That I won’t ever let this go.

“This love has got the best of me
and we wont ever be the same”

I wonder what prompted me to write that. Have you ever been so dependent on someone that when they weren't there you found yourself breaking down? But you never thought in advance to protect your heart because they we're supposed to stay. And it seems like a one-way pain, but both of you are feeling the burn. And you try to make it better, but you don't change anything, and by the time you just let go... you've got permanent scars from so many broken pieces.

My life is great. My friends are greater. My God is greatest. <3