#ghettochristmas

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. That's cute.

I am heavily disappointed in myself this Christmas. And it's for reasons I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it! Christmas is about giving, like how God gave His son, right? The only people who have gotten gifts from me are my palees, because its part of my grade. And their gifts weren't even that great! Last year my palees got things I knew they'd love, because I knew them. This year, they both got the same thing: two Junie B. Jones books. I'm so ashamed. Last year for my friends, I took the time to wrap up the big Hershey's chocolate bars and movie size boxes of candy, and gave them out. Ha, I remember Ria being SO excited to get that box of Sour Patch Kids because she's Muslim and it was the first Christmas gift she'd ever received. Reactions like hers make my heart super happy. Wanna know what I did this year? Not a dang thing. No candy canes, no generic cards, no nothing. It's my dads responsibility to get my mommy a present [funny how that works, huh], but I don't even have a card for her to read when she gets up on Saturday. This is so sad TT.TT

I haven't even managed to get my Matthew his present yet, and it's going to be soooo late. -_- I guess thats not my fault because of the transportation situation, but I still feel like garbage. And he's so thoughtful! He was going to get me a stuffed pony; my eyes totally got watery when he told me that. You guys don't understand, its kay. Apparently now it's something better, though. What could be better than a stuffed pony? I don't know. He's so thoughtful, and I'm so not. Ugh.

At the same time though, I haven't asked anyone for anything, not even my parents. As far as material things go, I'd say I have everything I need: my stereo, my iPod, my phone, my camera... what's left? I wouldn't DARE ask him to buy me clothes. I'll hold out on asking for a new laptop till graduation. Ha, my dad, he's so cute. He called me today from the mall, asking what I wanted (even though I've told him a number of times I don't need anything), and he got mad at me! You'd think after all the stuff I ask him for on a regular basis, he'd just run with it. My mom got an attitude, too, when I told her I didn't want anything, but what's new? Maybe I haven't asked for anything because I feel bad for not giving. Or maybe its just different this year; you guys won't believe how my priorities have changed.

As ghetto as this Christmas is turning out to be, I really have tried to be in the spirit-- way more than I have in the past. In the past, my mentality was "the Christmas tree and decorations can all suck it." Up until last year, Christmas had gone from bad to worse, and I was tired of getting excited for disasters. It's already a struggle for me to be happy during holidays that celebrate family, because well... duh. This year though, I put up the tree before my mommy could even come upstairs to help. Thats a big step for me, guys.

I'm going to my dad's house for Christmas dinner. I haven't been over there for Christmas since, like, fifth grade. That should be... interesting. I honestly have no clue how Saturdays events will go, or how I'll be feeling when I wake up. But I know I'm gonna be celebrating Jesus all day. He is the reason for the season, after all :3