#tonguetiedandterrified

Right now, I need for an abundance of people to bum-rush me with a whole list of good things that happened to them today.

I didn't go to church yesterday. But apparently I didn't miss too much. Everyone that did go seemed to be miserable, and Jacob wasn't there. You know what I did do yesterday? Watch Sunday Night Ramp service. Thaaat was some good stuff. Casey, his cute self, was talking about a lot of things. 1] How sometimes Christians get jealous of other Christians blessings and position. 2] How the church is NOT a democracy, and seniority does not determine your power. 3] How sometimes Satan will attack us right after an advance, because we'll stop seeking once we reach our "goals". 4] How sometimes the same characteristics God blessed us with, Satan uses against us. I could really relate to that one. God blessed me with a really big heart to love on people, but that same heart is used way too often to hurt those who hurt me, or even who have the potential to hurt me. He said that people are most commonly disqualified from their blessings, because of their tongue. Yeaaaaa. He talked about how God is just as quick to forget our sins, as he is to forget our righteousness when we start acting up. I'm still not sure how I feel about that one, lol. I need to watch the Ramp wayy more often.

Dood, I need a perm. And a magic carpet too, huh. Ha.

I'm on the way back up, it feels. Crashing from that spiritual high I had been on for so long, was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. And when I started to pick myself up from the floor, I immediately wanted to get back what I had: but it doesn't work that way. And so now I'm just starting over, and thats exactly what is it. I remind myself of how I was when I first started to take my walk seriously, lol. Waking up for church on Sunday mornings is a problem again. I don't read my bible. I'm starting to pray, but I'm not quite there yet. I need a muzzle, again. I guess if God has forgotten how good I was doing, I ought to also. Its not coming back anytime soon, and remembering just makes me seek Him with my flesh, and not with my heart.

I helped Alisha today, so that she wouldn't put herself through the same foolery my mistakes and miscommunication put me through. That made me feel good. Me and Durdana are supposed to eat delicious food and study for Macadec tomorrow. She better not bail on me. I need her.

Here's tongue-tied: I love you. I think terrified speaks for itself.