#notmyselftonight

Two, freakin, days. I need this break.

I've acquired a supernatural inner peace regarding this whole college thing. And yea, I finally quit tripping and started my applications. You guys know how cute I am. I saw Boston University and fell directly in love. It's not in Texas, it's in the north, it's far from everything I've always hated: BEAUTIFUL. And then (praise God) I realized that I am still indeed, well, myself. I'm not ready to leave. SHUT UP, I've been ready to leave since eighth grade! I really am just a baby, though. What if I go all the way up there and absolutely hate it. I'll be stranded and there won't even be anything I can do about it. I visited Dallas Baptist University and imagined myself growing up there. They'll foster my already fragile spirituality, and I won't be isolated from the things I've come to love. And after four years, when I still hate Texas, I'll be more grown up and can venture off safely wherever I want for my masters. So now I wanna go there. My ever-blossoming <3 for WB'S wants me to go there, too :P But does anyone know how I'm gonna pay for any of this? It's kay. God does. See what I'm talking about?

Macadec 2010 is going to state, just sayin'. It's because we have swagg. (: I'ma need my SAT scores to come back. I know I beasted that test and the proof would be GREAT. Irving Schools Foundation scholarships are more far than they should be.

I love Josh! He preached tonight. He's such a dork, my favorite <3. What consumes your heart? I couldn't think of a specific thing, but I know whatever it is, it's all wrong. Altar call was pretty epic. "Tears swelled from the bottom of my stomach, and although I couldn't speak..." I hope He understood.

What am I doing these days, and more importantly: why? I don't remember, so why am I still participating? But how could I have forgotten? What are you doing? Do you still remember? It's not the same, but maybe its not supposed to be.

I HATE having my character misjudged. I hate being judged period. If you don't know me, you don't have anything to say about me, end of story. I don't care what you think you know because you have the URL to my blog, kay? I dislike being misunderstood, but I don't expect anyone to know better. Stiiiiiiill bitter. Way attractive, right? Whatever (but that's a bad word).

"You don't act like yourself." People who notice change make my heart warm; and perhaps I don't act like myself anymore, but do you really know who I am in the first place? Gotcha.

So perhaps I'll be myself tonight: the one I know, not any of you.